Praṇamāmi Guru Tīrtha Padaṁ

Srila Gurudeva’s disappearance pastime has shown me how the transcendental sound of mantra can connect us with Srila Gurudev and how happy he is when we singing Maha Mantra and Srila Bhaktivinode Thakur's songs for his satisfaction. Since last January I felt so much pain in my body and strong desire to move to Kolkata and spend more time with Srila Gurudev. This pain was only increasing, I was crying and one week before his health problems began, I had just wanted to leave my job. Already I had talked with my boss and coworkers that I am wasting my time in the job and will go to India where I can do the eternal job. I was surprised by what is going on with me and could not control my mind, my speech. I had no fear but complete trust that I am doing right. That time I did not know what is Krishna's desire for Srila Gurudev regarding his apparent health problems. Then I got information about Gurudeva's heart condition and I prayed for his darsan. By his mercy, everything...

2017 was the first year I attended Vyasa Puja without having any idea that this would be the last opportunity while Srila Gurudeva was still physically present with us here. On 93rd Vyasa Puja of Srila Gurudev, we stayed in Kolkata Math for one full week from 3rd April 2017 to 10th April. It was a very happy and joyous time with math buzzing with devotees. The Days filled with soulful kirtans by devotees and Harikathas from Guruvarga and was very memorable in the association of hundreds of godbrothers and godsisters. It was all by His blessings only that we had darsan of Gurudev's Vyasa Puja, got a chance to offers flowers and pranams at His Divine Lotus Feet, got charanamrta, and participated in the grand celebrations that was observed in the Math and Uttama Manch auditorium, heard glories of Gurudev to heart's content, also advice from guru-varga on sadhan-bhajan. Staying for 4-5 days after Vyasa Puja and taking Gurudev's darsan daily morning and evening, returned ...

I offer my unlimited humble obeisances at Srila Gurudeva’s lotus feet and pray for his mercy so that I can continue to serve him with love and devotion for the rest of my life and forever after. My experience of Srila Gurudeva’s disappearance from this world taught me many valuable lessons in life and in Krsna consciousness, and I hope that by sharing these experiences others will be inspired in their service to Guru and Krsna. I was supervising the men’s asrama at the Krishna House, the preaching center I stay at when I heard of Srila Gurudeva's heart attack. I was hoping that  Srila Gurudeva would miraculously recover like he did over three years ago at the Guwahati hospital, but as the days went on, Gurudeva’s health updates made it clear that he was planning on disappearing from our vision this time. I was amazed to find out that the doctor’s declared that no one could live in a body with such a low heart rate and multi-organ failure, and I understood from this th...

I remember all of our Gurudev’s daughters and sons who were in Kolkata Math doing Sankirtan with hope.
 When some news came that there is some improvement in Gurudev’s situation, we went to take prasad. A sweet was also served that night because of the improvement news. When I reached back to join the Sankirtan on the top floor, there were few devotees in the verandah. 
I was not aware of what doctors were doing inside Gurudev’s room. I sat facing the hall watching doctors entering the room and coming back and forth. Then a few ascetic members also entered his room. Then we were told to sing ‘Radha Kunda Tata Kunja Kutir’
 We completed that and again repeated the same kirtan. By now many people had gathered in the hall and the verandah. During the second time that bhajan was sung, a thunderbolt-like announcement came: “Our Gurudev left us!" What followed was indescribable.
 Who was telling us about an hour ago that there’s improvement?
 We just had prasad downstairs!
 How c...

Let me offer my unlimited prostrated obeisances unto the lotus feet of my most revered Srila Gurudeva, Srila Bhakti Ballabh Tirtha Goswami Maharaj, who is the embodiment of loving affection towards all devotees of the Lord, who is a holy tirtha traveling the world, and who is now fully immersed in bringing joy to Vrindavanesvari as Her eternal confidant. He Gurudev! I find no words to describe my sorrow. You have blessed me with unlimited showers of affection, and yet I am unable to follow your basic teachings. My heart should melt when uttering your name and when remembering your unlimited glories. Seeing it remaining untouched, I know it to be made of stone. I was unable to write so far, and am doing so only because I was personally requested. I also could not stay in our Math in Kolkata for long. It is too painful still. Everything reminds me of you. The sound of the temple bell, Srila Paramgurudeva’s padukas, Tulasi Devi, and the tiled floor in the library. But what is more ...

granthera ārambhe kari ‘maṅgalācaraṇa’ guru, vaiṣṇava, bhagavān, — tinera smaraṇa When you remember Gurudev, Vaishnavas and the Lord all the obstacles in the path of devotional practice will be removed and your spiritual desire will be fulfilled. When Guru Vaishnav Bhagavan are pleased with you, your spiritual desires will be fulfilled. First, we have to understand who is guru, what is guru tattva—ontological aspect of guru. Gurudev is Lord’s own person, his associate. Acharya mam vijaniyan —Lord says know Gurudev as Me, I am in the form of Gurudev. So do not see Gurudev from outside (externally) as bones and flesh. One is external appearance—we are seeing with these eyes, and the other is internal, seeing him from the atma. That is the real darshan. You see Gurudev from outside and actually see Gurudev from inside. You follow Gurudev by ears, you hear his Harikatha, his instructions from ears and it enters into the heart and you hold those instructions in your heart....

Unfortunately, I did not have an opportunity to meet Srila Bhakti Ballabh Tirtha Maharaj in person. However, that did not become an obstacle for Him to completely conquer my heart. Two years ago I met his disciples. Being attracted by their extraordinary qualities, their deepness and thoughtfulness, I started to listen to Hari-katha of Srila Gurudev. From that time my devotion and love for him only grows. It is so amazing! I know that he responds to me, helps me and takes care of me. And, of course, his presence is very tangible thanks to his disciples. And today I want to say thank you to you, dear disciples of Srila Bhakti Ballabh Tirtha Goswami. I am very grateful to you, that you cannot hide your feelings! That you always speak about Srila Gurudev with love, sharing intimate things, telling about His qualities, remembering the details, some instances, inexhaustible examples, showing His endless compassion, softness of His heart, affection…You are doing the preaching seva and ...