The Profound Gift of His Divine Books

Personally, I didn't have much association with Śrīla Bhakti Ballabh Tirtha Gosvāmī Mahārāja. Due to my offenses and misunderstanding him, I didn't get his association until 2013 when I met him in Kolkata. At that time he was in that half-internal half-external stage. Every day, I'd line up with the many devotees in Kolkata Maṭha to receive prasādam from him and we had a few words here and there. I know what he was doing when he was distributing prasādam. I learned from Śrīla Bhakti Vijñāna Bhāratī Gosvāmī Mahārāja that when pure devotees give prasādam, they take away anarthas and give kṛṣṇa-prema.

So I was happy to have his darśana every day for maybe a couple of weeks. I'd watch him along with his associates go into the bhajan-kuṭira of his Guru Mahārāja. He was very slowly and deliberately offering flowers and prayers reciting the same prayer aloud regarding the name and address of his maṭha and the ownership of the maṭha to his Guru Mahārāja, reflecting his dedication to the institution.

Every day I saw him walk over to Tulsi Devī and do something I'd never seen anybody else doing. His hands would hover about an inch away from her, almost like massaging without touching; just loving and embracing her and knowing he was seeing her in her pastimes not only as a plant.

I also got his association when his sevāks were rolling him back and forth in the verandah, during his last months when he wasn't speaking. They had like a mask over his mouth and his eyes were raised so very high that I thought he was looking at Goloka Vṛndāvana pastimes. Even though he wasn't fully mobile, we could see that he was chanting and his fingers were moving continuously underneath the cloth he was covered with. I had the opportunity to be present for the continual bhajans that his loving disciples were performing.

My main association with him is after his disappearance through his videos and most divine book Śrī Caitanya: His Life and Associates. I will always remember one particular video I saw of him where he was saying that everything that happens to us is the grace and mercy of the Lord,  but if we blame others for whatever is happening to us, then we miss out on the Lord's grace. But my very main association with him is through that divine book. 

I had learned from Śrīla Bhakti Vijñāna Bhāratī Gosvāmī Mahārāja that it is an offense and all auspiciousness goes away when we don't observe the tithis of divine personalities. The instruction also came through my Śikṣā-guru Śrīla Bhaktivedānta Nārāyaṇa Gosvāmī Mahārāja who also spoke about the divine personalities without fail no matter what kathā theme he was engaged in. I also learned this from Dīkṣā-guru Śrīla Bhaktivedānta Svāmī Prabhupāda.

Practically daily I am so grateful to my Śikṣā-guru Śrīla Bhakti Ballabh Tirtha Gosvāmī Mahārāja for manifesting this beautiful book which he dedicated of course to his Gurudev Om Vishnupad Śrī Śrīmad Bhakti Dayita Mādhava Gosvāmī Mahārāja and also to the lotus feet of his Śikṣā-guru Om Viṣṇupada Śrī Śrīmad Bhakti Pramod Puri Gosvāmī Mahārāja whom he said inspired the publication. All the associates of Mahāprabhu and his descendants and the associates of his associates are here with the most amazing references from various shastras like Bhakti Ratnākara and Caitanya-caritāmṛta. He also includes the details about who they are in kṛṣṇa-līlā and the astonishing points of all of their personalities and their relationships with each other. I'm really astounded by how many he did. There's never a tithi day that comes when an associate isn't there.

By the power of his realization, I feel those personalities are actually present right in front of me in the book. It reminds me of how in one of his purports from Śrīmad Bhagavatam, Svāmī Mahārāja said Nārada Muni kindly appeared on these pages. There are no words to describe the beauty of this book. I also learned from Śrīla Bhaktivedānta Nārāyaṇa Mahārāja how to read this book: put the book on my head and heart and pray: "Oh Prabhu, you're not a book, you're Śrīla Rupa Gosvāmī himself; you are Mahāprabhu and all of his Associates yourselves."

So, I'm sitting here directly listening personally to your hari-kathā about all these great personalities and directly hearing all your dialogue as if you're personally speaking to me. Shower your mercy on me so I can realize what you're saying and be freed from doubts in my reality.

One last thing to mention is a nectar-filled video I saw when Mahārāja came to see Śrīla Bhakti Kumuda Santa Gosvāmī Mahārāja just before his departure from this world. He offered flowers to him, placing his head at his lotus feet. You could really feel a deep love there—not by duty, but from deep within his heart.

—Śrīmati Śyāmarāṇī Didi

Spoken on Tirobhav Tithi of Śrīla Gurudev, 2020. Transcribed from this video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hZZDSwSg2JU


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