His Chastisements Bestow Mercy

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During Māyāpur parikramā, Gurudev used to lead us barefoot. When Gurudev saw me, he was very happy and offered his prasādī garland to me. Śānti Prabhu (who is Bhajanonmukh Mahārāj now) was the personal sevāk of Guru Mahārāj then. He used to give me some services in Guru Mahārāj's room such as cleaning, etc. Seeing me do the service sincerely, Śānti Prabhu was pleased and thought if I give him some service he will do it nicely. So he gave me small services like carrying an umbrella, water bottle, or a bag for Guru Mahārāj while going on parikramā. 

On the final day in the parikramā of Rudradvīpa, Śānti Prabhu fell ill and he could not go with Guru Mahārāj on parikramā. He gave me some money and told me to keep it with me until Guru Mahārāj asked for it in order to offer praṇāmi at certain places. So I kept the money in my pocket. 

In Rudradvīpa, Guru Mahārāj spoke the glories of the place and after kirtan and over, Gurudev asked me if Śānti Prabhu gave you some praṇāmi. I was in my own ecstasy and completely forgot I had the praṇāmi money in my pocket. I was also thinking everyone will give praṇāmi to Gurudev, why will Gurudev give praṇāmi to anyone? I said I do not have any, only water bottles and other things like that. Then Guru Mahārāj collected money from others and gave praṇāmi there. 

After coming back to the maṭh, I remembered I have some money in my pocket. So I went to Guru Mahārāj's room and gave the money to him saying Śānti Prabhu had given me and I forgot to give it when he asked. Guru Mahārāj chastised me. He said, "If you take any responsibility, you should fulfill it. If you cannot fulfill it, do not take the responsibility." That is the mercy of Guru Mahārāj's that I got on that trip.

I also recall that on several occasions in Puri and other places I used to do some services but some devotees would be unhappy with my service and would chastise me, which felt like a slap. Outside I had the mood that I am an Army man, but inside I felt humbled and very happy that I got the mercy of the Vaiṣṇavas.

I pray to all of you to bless me so that I offer the rest of my life in the service of Gurudev.

—Śrī Rādhānātha Das

Spoken in Hindi with English translation on 15.4.2019 (Śrīla Gurudeva's Avirbhāv-tithi) in Śrīdhām Māyāpur






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