Separation Grief Corresponds to Our Degree of Relation With Him


Today is the viraha-tithi of our Most Worshipable Guru Mahārāj. Guru Mahārāj used to say if Gurudev enacts the pastimes of disappearance it is to enhance the separation grief of his disciples.  This applies to only his real disciples.  We never thought or imagined that we will have to live without his darśan.  In his presence, we never felt when it was day or when night, how the days, fortnights, months, or years passed in the past thirty-five years. 

Though I could not even externally take real association of Guru Mahārāj, his association was such that just after returning home from attending one program with him I would plan for the next program, whether it be in Punjab, Orissa, Bengal, or Maharashtra.  Wherever Guru Mahārāj went, I cannot say I went, but Gurudev's mercy attracted and pulled me to him. Only by his mercy can a householder, materialist, wicked, greedy for name and fame, egoist like me understand and adorn Gurudev and his words in his heart?  

Today I feel ashamed of myself that I never took his association seriously and wasted all these years.  I reflect on how much Gurudev endeavored for my upliftment and pardoned me for my many, many offenses; by committing offenses over and over again my heart hardened like a thunderbolt. Gurudev would say, only where there is a relationship there will be separation grief, not otherwise.  My condition is so pitiable that separation grief does not manifest in me even as a matter of an external show. I do not feel even an iota of separation grief, and my life is going on as usual in eating and dressing well—where is it leading me to?  I can deceive people around me but I cannot deceive myself; I cannot deceive Guru Mahārāj who is All-knowing.  



Is it logical that a man on a materialistic platform can speak about Gurudev who is in the transcendental plane?  In the absence of Śrīla Rūpa Gosvāmī, Śrīla Raghunātha Dās Gosvāmī whose life and soul are Girirāj Goverdhan and Śrī Rādhākunda, in a feeling of separation, he sees them as the open jaws of python (ajagar) and the wide-open mouth of a tiger ready to eat him up. After Mahāprabhu's disappearance, he says Śrī Jagannāth Puri dhāma looks like a deserted crematorium ground. 
In the bhajan "Je Anilo Prema Dhana Koruna Pracura," Narottam Dās Ṭhākur has written that one who feels real separation says:

pāṣāṇe kuṭibo māthā anale paśibo
gaurāńga guṇera nidhi kothā gele pābo

[I will smash my head against the rock and enter into the fire. Where will I find Lord Gauranga, the reservoir of all wonderful qualities?]

Can we sing as Narottam Dās Ṭhākur sang in separation grief?  When Mahāprabhu asked Śrī Rāmānanda Rāya, "Of all kinds of distress, what is the most painful?" He replied: 

‘duḥkha-madhye kona duḥkha haya gurutara?’
‘kṛṣṇa-bhakta-viraha vinā duḥkha nāhi dekhi para’

(Caitanya-caritāmṛta, 2.8.248)

[Apart from separation from the devotee of Krishna, I know of no unbearable separation.]

Mahāprabhu conveyed this feeling to us through Rāmānanda Rāya. Guru-vaiṣṇava's appearance and disappearance are not without reasons. It is like the sun rising and setting. When the sun sets and is not visible to our eyes, still, he has risen elsewhere and is visible there. He is eternal, so also guru-vaiṣṇavas who are the Lord's eternal associates are always engaged in the eternal service of Śrī Kṛṣṇa.  


Guru Mahārāj has been very compassionate and forgiving, pardoning my innumerable offenses to his lotus feet. People who perform Vraja-maṇḍala parikramā now cannot imagine how it was forty years back. There was no parikramā marg (path) at all while walking through the fields. Two persons could not walk on a very thin raised muddy path and the path was filled with thorny bushes; the thorns would just fly on their own and stick to the clothes.  

I was walking behind Gurudev carrying an umbrella for him, and as the path was so narrow and uneven that many times my feet fell on Gurudev's lotus feet, and touched Gurudev's clothes too. This happened with Śrīla Bhakti Pramod Puri Gosvāmī Mahārāj too. After the parikramā was over, I sought forgiveness from Gurudev and Puri Gosvāmī Mahārāj for my offenses, but their answer was the same with no difference in it. They both smiled and replied, "What are you saying? It is a father-son relationship." 

Guru Mahārāj's affection is steady—unwavering, very special, very deep, and causeless. But we did not understand his mood, we misused Gurudev's name, and took his affection as a license for doing all sorts of sense enjoyment, without understanding his words.

I will quote an instance to explain the nature of separation grief.  We have a god-brother Indupati Dās in Jalandhar.  He lost his father in a major vehicle accident a long time ago. During Gurudev's annual visit to Jalandhar, he stood in the queue for Gurudev's darśan and was wondering whether Gurudev knows about his father's untimely death. When he offered pranams, Gurudev said, "Your father left? He was doing a lot of sevā in the maṭh." He did not say anything in reply, took prasād from Gurudev's hands, and came.  

About eight months later his mother also passed away. When he went to offer pranams to Gurudev on Gurudev's annual visit to Jalandhar, Gurudev said, "Your mother also has left you, now you are all alone, aren't you?" Indupati Prabhu is younger than me, but has great regard for Gurudev and is worshipable to me.  He said to me, "Brother, when my father left me and later when my mother left me, Gurudev was with me and I never felt I am alone. Today Gurudev has left us and I feel I have become an orphan." 

 
Where can we get Gurudev's darśan now? We are committing so many offenses, but he is adoṣa-darashi—he never sees faults in his disciples, like parents do not see any fault in their children. Gurudev has the affection of crores and crores of mothers.

 

When our (Śrī Bhakti Bibuddha) Muni Mahārāj organized Gurudev's Vyasa-pūjā celebrations on Śrī Rāmanavamī in Uttam-manch Parampūjyapād Sant Gosvāmī Mahārāj's maṭh, Śrī Caitanya Āśram's Acarya Deva Parampūjyapād Bhakti Sundar Yati Mahārāj spoke glories of our Gurudeva from his heart and hearing it, tears were brought to the eyes of the listeners. 

During Gurudev's antim-yatra in Śrīdhāma Mayapur, even Indra Deva showered light showers of rain like flowers. Śrī Bhakti Vichar Bhāratī Mahārāj, Ācāryadeva of Sant Gosvāmī Mahārāj's maṭh in Mayapur, stood with devotees at the gate waiting with a huge ārati and bhog offering for Gurudev. While he was offering ārati, Śrī Mādhav Mahārāj (one of his god-brothers who are very dear to our Gurudev and attended Vraja-maṇḍala parikramā with him) sang a kirtan glorifying our Gurudeva.  

Śrī Yati Mahārāj sang this same kirtan when he attended the program in Uttam-manch. This song was written by a devotee of glories of Śrīla Bhakti Kumud Santa Goswami Mahārāj and is in Bangla. I do not know much Bangla, nor do I know how to sing the tune, but today I am singing this as an offering to Gurudeva.

[Kṛṣṇananda Prabhujī sang the kirtan beginning with 'Jaya he Jaya Śrī Bhakti Ballabh Tirtha Gosvāmī Guru Mahārāj... pranami tomar ratula charane krpa kana daan mangiche aaj...]

—Kṛṣṇananda Das

Spoken on 16-4-2020, viraha-tithi of Śrīla Gurudev
translated from Hindi to English