He Bestows Mercy So That We May Repeat His Words

To be honest and frank I never had the opportunity of offering any direct sevā to Gurudev because I didn't visit him so much as I would not get leave from my work. Whenever I went, he used to speak only for a very few moments.  But I will share some experiences and tell you what I have realized. I am not qualified to glorify Gurudev because I am not a person who is situated on a transcendental platform. One cannot glorify by use of the material senses, material mind, and material tongue. I am a conditioned soul, material by nature, so what can I explain about him, how can I glorify him?  Whatever other devotees have done to glorify him have done far better than what I can ever do.  

But let me tell you one thing— I am very grateful to Gurudev. In the very first place, I never knew Gurudev, and I never knew what Gauḍīya Maṭha is—I knew nothing.  But he accepted me as a disciple,  he gave me harināma, and he explained the importance of harināma to me; this is the first thing for which I am very grateful to him.

After taking the shelter of Gurudev, I went to Vṛndāvana for the first time. I had never been to Vṛndāvana before and had no clue about how to approach it. But it is Gurudev's mercy that I went there for some days and got a glimpse of Vṛndāvana although I did not appreciate it very much at that moment because of my impurity and conditioning. I did not know how in the future things would unfold.

Even though I go every year for Vraja-maṇḍala parikramā with so many devotees, I had no clue about it.  Also about Māyāpura parikramā, it just took place and I had no clue about it, nor did I know about Śrī Jagannātha Puri. When Gurudev organized the Vraja-maṇḍala parikramā I did not attend it fully because it was for thirty-five days and I could attend only sixteen days. At least I got some glimpse that this is Vraja- maṇḍala parikramā that we can do and I had some experiences.  Then by the mercy of Gurudev, I did not know where Māyāpura was, I started going to Māyāpura, started doing parikramā, and started understanding things in a different light. These are the biggest things I got from Gurudev.  Beyond this, it is not a person who does anything by his own endeavor; to whom Gurudev favors, he gives mercy, then only a person can achieve great things. 

I did not know what is Śrī Bṛhad-bhāgavatāmṛta, I did not know the books of the ācāryas like Śrīla Śrīdhar Dev Gosvāmī Mahārāja, Śrīla Bhakti Pramod Puri Gosvāmī Mahārāja, or Param Gurudev Śrīla Bhakti Dayita Mādhava Gosvāmī Mahārāja. I had no clue about them. By Gurudev's mercy, I got in touch with all these ācārya's books and started reading them, I started to understand them slowly, slowly. In the beginning, I  actually did not have much inclination to read and I studied, but I never understood much. But slowly, slowly as I progressed with my harināma, I understood that harināma gives the qualification and purification to understand the scriptures and gives you the qualification to get the mercy of all the saints. I think this is the biggest experience of my life. So this is what I got from Gurudev.  Then I could understand and appreciate them much more. 

Had I not taken shelter of Gurudev, how would I have known about these, who would tell me? There was nobody to tell me. Who would tell me what is Vraja-maṇḍala, what is Māyāpura, what is Jagannātha Puri parikrama? I had no idea.  Now Gurudev is empowering me to bring about fifty devotees to travel with me every to Navadvīpa parikramā. It is only by the mercy of the Lord that I am able to do it. Whoever Lord favors, he gets the mercy.

There is so much to learn from his teachings that I cannot describe. Physically I have not been able to learn much from him because I hardly got a chance to physically associate with him.  I used to receive him at the airport and also went to see him off but direct communication was limited; we never talked much. 

But he used to tell me, "You should speak harikathā, you should help others, and take care of those who have taken initiation so that they should not go away or they should not fall down." 

And I told him, "Yes, I will try my best and give harikathā to whomever possible." 

He had also told me, "You speak harikathā about Mahāprabhu even to Catholics; you do it."  

I had no clue as to who would listen to me. One fine day I got the opportunity to meet one Catholic lady who came to hear harikathā from a devotee. By listening to harikathā, she gave up onion and garlic,  brought Śrī Rādhā Dāmodara to her house, and began worshipping them while also chanting about forty rounds of harināma daily. This is something that I never could have imagined could come true. This opportunity only came by Gurudev's mercy.  That Catholic lady listened and by listening, she got transformed. That is the biggest thing.  

Not only that, there are so many people who have come on this path and taken shelter from Gurudev by his own mercy. He attracts and uses whomever he likes.  A person cannot take credit for anything because they took initiation because of him; it is Gurudev who attracts. He can empower anyone and he can also take away that power from anyone. 

So if we are speaking, we are speaking his words; he is the one that is making devotees.  If we speak our own words, then we can say we are making devotees, but we are speaking Guru Mahārāja's words.  So who is attracting the people?  The Guru's words attract people and they are becoming devotees by his words, not by my words.  So we cannot claim that we have done or are doing anything great. Gurudev uses us for this.  

I recall one incident with our god-sister. She used to hear harikathā and she wanted to take initiation. When she expressed her desire, we showed her the photograph of our Gurudev and told her that we have to go to Kolkata to take initiation.  She said, "I met him in my dream, I never knew he is the same person who is your Guru.  He came into my dream and told me to take initiation and now you are showing me the same person's photo." This is how a Guru attracts persons. She said I saw him in my dream and he is so powerful.

—Śrī Rādhāgovinda Das, Mumbai




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