He Follows His Gurudev as It Is

In 1989 Gurudev was in Kolkata on the disappearance day of Srila Bhakti Dayita Madhav Goswami Maharaj. There was a big feast where many were to take prasad. They made one kitchari and a sour chutney and kheer and mixed veg for all, but some young godbrothers made a special offering of thirteen items that they would distribute to their close persons. I was young and eager to taste that. After I ate, I went to have darshan of Gurudev. After I entered his room, he showed anger. It was not actual anger, but he showed like that. His room was very small then; what you have recently seen is twice as large. Gurudev was pacing in that small room here and there and showed anger. In a raised tone, he said, “One who has eaten that has eaten poison, and who offered that, they have offered poison!” I was afraid and folded my hands trying to please him. He ordered me to not associate with them, saying “They are not for Hari, Guru, Vaishnava’s service”.  When I heard these words I remember my attitude then, that only I am Vaishnav, only I am for Gurudev—others have some greed for eating and money. I can only see at that time that I am Vaishnav but others have defects, except Srila Bhaktiniketan Turyasharmi Maharaj and other senior guruvarga.

Although he did not address that person directly that night in harikatha, he took everything on himself, chastising himself. He didn’t say if you do like this, he said, "If I do like this, where shall I go?" Through this incident, you can feel his disciple-mood for his Gurudev. 

I asked Gurudev, “What happened to me? I can see only defects.” He smiled beautifully, (you know this smile), and he said, “Ei to baddha jiva ka lakshan,” this is the symptom of a conditioned soul. I said, “Yes, I am a conditioned soul.” Then he told me something that took me a long time to realize. I heard this instruction in 1989, but it wasn’t clear to me until 2004. You can imagine how long it was there, this beautiful teaching he gave. He told you should not follow them. “Dekho, is jagat mei Krsna ka srista prani mei koi nahi hai jis mei koi guna na ho, us guna ko dekh kar unko pranam karo,” you should remember in this world, in the creation of Krishna, not one entity who has no quality.  You should see that quality and offer obedience and go away.  I was against these things, for that reason he told you should not criticize or follow them, but follow elevated Vaishnavas. In this incident, I got upadesh, the most important teachings of my life. I was remembering this teaching again and again but it didn’t get realized for a long time, fifteen years. After fifteen years, I understood every individual soul has quality and relation with Krishna, maybe they have forgotten. From that time, this awareness is increasing. By the grace of Most Revered Srila Gurudev, now he is with me, now it is increasing. Then I understood this appellation guru-abhimana-shunya, [devoid of pride that I am the guru].

 In 2003 during Kartik in Delhi, I told Gurudev, “Aap shashan kijiye, dhyana dijiye,” please you should care for this mission, if you don't, who will care? I was begging him to please take care, otherwise, all will be destroyed in this institution. He said, “Ei jo Krishna ka vamsa Krishna ke samane dwansa ho gaya. Ab yei dwansa hoga, hone do. Tum cinta nahi karo, tum Harinama karo. Tum Harinam mei dhyana do." He told me that Krishna’s dynasty was destroyed in front of Him, before Him, everyone, everything was destroyed—sons, grandsons, the entire generation was destroyed in front of Him, "but if it happens here", he told, "Don’t worry— do Harinam! Submit yourself to Krishna." Only by his grace, I reached him who is guru-abhimana-shunya. 

Then I remember how Guru Maharaj told me that some people give money, donations and now I think I am guru, I am owner, master; if you think like this you will go to hell. You have to think that all this is from Gurudev, for Gurudev, and for Krishna. Household people who earn money think this house belongs to me, I am the owner, and we are begging from others, so how can we think like this, that we are masters? No, I am a servant of the servant of the servant of Krishna. This was his beautiful quality guru-abhimana-shunyaya.  

Guru-vani-pracharine is the most important thing in his life. I am trying to describe all things by taking words from here and there trying to clarify my subject, but Gurudev never spoke anything except his Gurudev’s words. 

Guru-vani-pracharine means I am not guru. By my words, no one can be rescued, by my speaking, not a single person can be rescued and go to Krishna. My Gurudev’s words are shabda-brahma. What his Gurudev spoke in a particular city some fifty years back, only that he is remembering and repeating. I cannot do like him.  It is very beautiful of him. For Example, if Param Gurudev spoke about the word sammelan in an assembly under the banner harinama sankirtan sammelan, Gurudev is also speaking on sammelan in that particular city.  Generally, people know that Harinam sankirtan means people coming together, performing congregational chanting.  So, what is the purpose of explaining the word sammelan there again? Paramgurudev said that and Gurudev is saying that. This is guru-vani-pracharine.  I've had this experience many times. 

Gurudev wrote everything Param Gurudev spoke, what year, location, etc, and he followed that. He only gave what Param Gurudev spoke, guru-vani-pracharine. I can feel how powerful Gurudev's speech was. Once Gurudev was in a situation when all his godbrothers told him he should change rules and regulations and add these things also. If you do this, the mission will spread fast all over the world, then people can accept our mission. Gurudev told, "These are my Gurudev's instructions, I cannot cut, remove or add anything to his instruction. I will follow as it is."  

Gurudev's order was in our Sree Chaitanya Gaudiya Math is there is only one acharya that can give initiation. He said I can resign and do other services and follow my Gurudev as it is. I can print books, publications, etc. He resigned and some were happy but Srila BK Sant Goswami Maharaj and Srila BP Puri Goswami Maharaj chastised Srila Gurudev, asking him why he was doing this. If you resign, they told him, your Gurudev's mission will be destroyed. They cannot accept that. Gurudev was crying loudly, asking what shall I do? They are my godbrothers, they are all qualified to give initiation, they can do, I don’t want to disturb them. Puri Maharaj embraced him, pacified him by telling him not to worry, I am with you. Srila Sridhar Maharaj was also there ordering him. One godbrother stood in front of Puri Maharaj and our Gurudev and said that he will take all responsibility and no one will stop him. They ended up doing some court case and Gurudev was always saying to make no case against them. Gurudev is only following his Gurudev's order. He cannot speak or think anything else which he didn’t hear from his Gurudev, always obeying his Gurudev’s instructions—guru-abhimanashunyaya, guru-vani-pracharine.

—Srila Bhakti Prasun Madhusudan Maharaj

spoken in English, Mar 24, 2021 via Zoom