May Our Only Desire Be Fulfilling His Desire
I got maximum mercy and good association from my śikṣā-guru Ramanath-ji, father of Shyam Sundar-ji. There were many opportunities to accompany him to the railway station to welcome and later see Guruji and his prachar party off. As we reached the station, I would run towards the platform and Guruji would smile seeing me. Holding my shoulder he would get down the steps. While going to the maṭh Guruji would converse with me about prachar programs, hāriṇam initiations at previous places he visited, and enquire about Delhi weather. That time it was a small maṭh and Guruji's room was downstairs. Seeing him often taking his pocket watch out to see the time, I told him I would get him a wristwatch. But he denied my offer, saying sannyasis do not wear a watch or good clothes, what will people think if they see us like this? Such was his conduct.
I went for Mayapur parikramā in 1991 for the first time. I hadn't had my initiation yet. Guruji was pleased to see me and arranged for my stay through a brahmacārī. The next day was the first day of parikramā. Keeping Srila Bhakti Pramod Puri Gosvami Maharaj in the front, Guruji followed him and lead the parikramā party first to Nandanacharya Bhavan. After Puri Maharaj spoke about the glories of the place for fifteen minutes, Guruji led the kīrtan and came to the main gate. I was playing kansa and was going in rounds along with him at the gate. Suddenly his eyes met mine and he just stopped his kīrtan. He said today I have committed a great offense. How? He said, we have devotees from Delhi here and Maharaj spoke the glories in Bangla, how they would have understood? I shook my head side by side to indicate I did not understand and Guruji standing there itself spoke glories of the place for the next ten minutes. See his conduct, his concern for Hindi-speaking devotees.
Later at all places after Bangla kathā by Puri Maharaj Guruji would explain in Hindi. It is easy to do bhajan, to wear ochre clothes is easy, but it is very difficult to change one's nature, to bring humility into one's heart and conduct. More than having Guruji in our life, it is important that we bring his conduct into our lives. Despite a lot of opportunity for good association with Guruji, our mind is still engrossed in material desires, our conduct has not changed. Why we are separated from the Lord? It is because of our conduct, we have fallen from our human nature.
Our Vishnu Maharaj says, we will become devotees later, first become a good disciple. Guruji has given us sādhan-bhajan so that we change our nature from animals to human beings. What are our inner wants? Āhāra-nidrā-bhaya-maithunaṁ: eating, sleeping, defending, and mating just like animals. We hear daily not to eat well, dress well (bhāla nā khāibe āra bhāla nā paribe) but we tread the same path. We take the names of Guruji and Lord, but eating we do according to our desire. With this, we cannot proceed in bhajan. In Gita, Krishna says there are two ways to attain Me: one is abhyās and another vairāgya—repeated practice and detachment. The practice should be correct, of Gurudev's words, of Scriptures, of bhajan and we have to give up attachment to worldly things, attachment to the body.
The śloka Maharaprabhu has given tṛṇād api sunīcena taror api sahiṣṇunā amāninā mānadena kīrtanīyaḥ sadā hariḥ. I have keenly observed and seen by Guruji's mercy that except him no one has ever crossed this stage. Murari Gupta went and prayed to Mahaprabhu I wish to feed a hundred brahmanas and Mahaprabhu replied, instead feed one Vaishnava. If you desire to feed a hundred vaishnavas, then feed one premī-bhakta who is niṣkām, desireless for money, wealth, etc. then you get the benefit of feeding hundred vaishnavas. When he asked if I want to feed that one premī-bhakta, then Mahaprabhu said you will not find one. If you find one he can be none other than our Guruji, Srila Bhakti Ballabh Tirtha Gosvami Maharaj, under whose shelter and guidance we have tasted the mellow of devotion.
In 1991 in Mayapur I got hāriṇam and the next day on Gaur Purnima, Mahaprabhu's appearance day I was taking dips in the Ganga with Ramanath Prabhuji when someone stole my shirt and ran away. There was some money and also my return ticket in it and I got worried, my mood got spoiled. When I met Guruji I informed him, he told me not to worry and the next day he sent Nityagopal Prabhu (now Sannyasi Maharaj) with me to Kolkata and by giving some extra money I got the ticket for the same train. See Guruji's mercy on his disciples. guru-kṛpā vinā nāhiń koi sādhana-bal,bhaja man bhaja anukṣaṇ… guru charana kamala bhaja mana.. If we want to do our ṣaḍhan-bhajan without Guruji's mercy it is not possible.
In 1991 before leaving Mayapur I visited Mahaprabhu's birthplace and was returning. I did get any rickshaw and feeling tired, I was looking behind for auto. Then Guruji's car arrived and went a little further and stopped. I did not notice it was Guruji's car and a brahmacārī got down and called. Then Guruji inquired where I had been to and made me sit next to him and brought me to maṭh. Is it not Guruji's mercy? This is his conduct, vaishnav conduct. Who is a Vaishnav? Vaishnav is dear to Vishnu, not vaishnav by dress, but by conduct. Mayapur is full of vaishnavas in dress, but not in conduct. Like Param Gurudev used to say, I have many disciples but the one who conducts himself like our Guruji, there is no one. This is the quality of a vaishnava. It is easy to chant hāriṇam, to count on mala, but to bring in humility of heart, to become humble like a blade of grass, more tolerant than a tree, giving respect to all and not expecting any respect (tṛṇād api sunīcena) is very difficult. To bring these qualities we have got the human birth, but bhajan has not entered our heart yet. We sit for harikathā, but kathā does not sit in our hearts.
Later at all places after Bangla kathā by Puri Maharaj Guruji would explain in Hindi. It is easy to do bhajan, to wear ochre clothes is easy, but it is very difficult to change one's nature, to bring humility into one's heart and conduct. More than having Guruji in our life, it is important that we bring his conduct into our lives. Despite a lot of opportunity for good association with Guruji, our mind is still engrossed in material desires, our conduct has not changed. Why we are separated from the Lord? It is because of our conduct, we have fallen from our human nature.
Our Vishnu Maharaj says, we will become devotees later, first become a good disciple. Guruji has given us sādhan-bhajan so that we change our nature from animals to human beings. What are our inner wants? Āhāra-nidrā-bhaya-maithunaṁ: eating, sleeping, defending, and mating just like animals. We hear daily not to eat well, dress well (bhāla nā khāibe āra bhāla nā paribe) but we tread the same path. We take the names of Guruji and Lord, but eating we do according to our desire. With this, we cannot proceed in bhajan. In Gita, Krishna says there are two ways to attain Me: one is abhyās and another vairāgya—repeated practice and detachment. The practice should be correct, of Gurudev's words, of Scriptures, of bhajan and we have to give up attachment to worldly things, attachment to the body.
The śloka Maharaprabhu has given tṛṇād api sunīcena taror api sahiṣṇunā amāninā mānadena kīrtanīyaḥ sadā hariḥ. I have keenly observed and seen by Guruji's mercy that except him no one has ever crossed this stage. Murari Gupta went and prayed to Mahaprabhu I wish to feed a hundred brahmanas and Mahaprabhu replied, instead feed one Vaishnava. If you desire to feed a hundred vaishnavas, then feed one premī-bhakta who is niṣkām, desireless for money, wealth, etc. then you get the benefit of feeding hundred vaishnavas. When he asked if I want to feed that one premī-bhakta, then Mahaprabhu said you will not find one. If you find one he can be none other than our Guruji, Srila Bhakti Ballabh Tirtha Gosvami Maharaj, under whose shelter and guidance we have tasted the mellow of devotion.
In 1991 in Mayapur I got hāriṇam and the next day on Gaur Purnima, Mahaprabhu's appearance day I was taking dips in the Ganga with Ramanath Prabhuji when someone stole my shirt and ran away. There was some money and also my return ticket in it and I got worried, my mood got spoiled. When I met Guruji I informed him, he told me not to worry and the next day he sent Nityagopal Prabhu (now Sannyasi Maharaj) with me to Kolkata and by giving some extra money I got the ticket for the same train. See Guruji's mercy on his disciples. guru-kṛpā vinā nāhiń koi sādhana-bal,bhaja man bhaja anukṣaṇ… guru charana kamala bhaja mana.. If we want to do our ṣaḍhan-bhajan without Guruji's mercy it is not possible.
In 1991 before leaving Mayapur I visited Mahaprabhu's birthplace and was returning. I did get any rickshaw and feeling tired, I was looking behind for auto. Then Guruji's car arrived and went a little further and stopped. I did not notice it was Guruji's car and a brahmacārī got down and called. Then Guruji inquired where I had been to and made me sit next to him and brought me to maṭh. Is it not Guruji's mercy? This is his conduct, vaishnav conduct. Who is a Vaishnav? Vaishnav is dear to Vishnu, not vaishnav by dress, but by conduct. Mayapur is full of vaishnavas in dress, but not in conduct. Like Param Gurudev used to say, I have many disciples but the one who conducts himself like our Guruji, there is no one. This is the quality of a vaishnava. It is easy to chant hāriṇam, to count on mala, but to bring in humility of heart, to become humble like a blade of grass, more tolerant than a tree, giving respect to all and not expecting any respect (tṛṇād api sunīcena) is very difficult. To bring these qualities we have got the human birth, but bhajan has not entered our heart yet. We sit for harikathā, but kathā does not sit in our hearts.
—Amritananda Das (Ashokji, Delhi)
excerpt from a transcription from GOKUL India call on 9.4.2020
spoken in Hindi, translation by Rasabihari Prabhu (Jammu)
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