His Renunciation Comes From Dedication

One time at the Delhi math annual function, Guruji began nagar-sankīrtan with "Jai dau Jai dau," but did not continue because devotees and doctors urged him to rest as he was unwell. The sankīrtan moved on, and when it was completed, Guruji started harikathā at Hari Mandir. There he told, "Among all forms of devotion, kīrtan is the best; superior to kīrtan is sankīrtan where a few persons join together for kīrtan, and superior to that is nagar-sankīrtan. This is because senior Vaishnavas are leading the kīrtans and their foot-dust will sprinkle on the devotees following behind, destroying our sins ad making our human lives successful. But today my human life is spoiled." Everyone was surprised to hear this.

He said, "When I surrendered to my Gurudeva, I had surrendered my body for the Lord's service. Gurudeva had instructed me to do kīrtan and harikathā for all the twenty-four hours daily and here I was told you are ill, so you go back to the maṭh. I was put on the bed in my room and covered by a blanket, to take rest and engross in worldly thoughts. It is a very unfortunate day for me, my human birth is in vain." His mood was, you say my health is bad, but my human birth is spoiled and wasted because I could not follow my Guruji's instructions fully.  


Another time in Vrindavan when he expressed a similar mood after I suggested to him to not speak for too long.  I tried to suggest that instead of delivering one day long kathā, devotees wish that you speak kathā for the next four to five days for short durations, as they fear that if you speak for long periods, your health will be spoiled. He did not agree. He said, "No, my human life is spoiled." See his conduct.  


In Chandigarh during Ramanavami I went to offer praṇāms to him I gave praṇāmi. At first, he did not accept it, but when I insisted, he took his diary and noted down my name, address, and the amount explaining that he has to keep account of sevā amount. "In his antim-vani, my Gurudeva said if there is a desire for kanaka, kāmāni, and pratiṣṭhā then his bhajan is zero, zero, zero!"

It is very difficult to find anyone completely free of these desires except our Guruji. I have observed from my long association with Guruji that none of the three have even slightly touched him. In Vrindavan maṭh and also other places like Hari mandir, Guruji had told me to hand over the collections from praṇāmi to the maṭh-in-charge. Guruji does not give any attention to money and there is not a tinge of desire for pratiṣṭhā in him. After kathā when I would take the scriptures back to his room, he would say to me. "My god-brothers, my disciples are engaging me in sevā, ask me to do kīrtan. They are my well-wishers, they are my friends because they give me an opportunity for harikathā." I liked when Guruji spoke on Hitopanishad and expressed my desire to hear about those topics from him. Then in the assembly itself, he said, "My friend ordered me to speak about topics from Hitopanishad; he has a desire to listen to those." I felt shy and told him I am your disciple and you make me your friend. Guruji's mood is so humble.   


Guruji's mood is so humble. Guruji had a great love for my father (Sri Suraj Bhanji) who is his god-brother. Once my father was in the hospital and we were going to visit him. Guruji's car happened to come by and dropped us at the hospital. The next day Guruji enquired from me about him and expressed a desire to see him. He came climbing up the stairs to our home on the first floor. Seeing our father in bed the first thing he did was Nrsimha kīrtan, then Pancha Tattva and mahamantra, standing up the whole time. After I spoke to him, he said everything will be ok and instructed me to come to  Vraj-mandal parikramā which was about to begin. Thie way he expressed his love for his god-brother, such humility cannot be seen elsewhere. 

He would smile, give special attention to children, and inquire from others about how are they are doing. But these days when we offer praṇāms to Vaishnavas in the maṭhs they simply go away, not even give a glance. With such conduct the visiting devotees' numbers will dwindle and how can maṭhs and temple continue which Guruji has so lovingly provided for our ṣaḍhan- bhajan? Who will visit if our conduct is not sweet like Guruji's? Our maṭhs have progressed, developed in connection with seeing Guruji's conduct. What is wrong? Our conduct is bad. For namesake we are devotees, we dress like devotees with mala around the neck, but we are actually non-devotees, we have no conduct of devotees. There is no sweetness in our attitude, nor in conduct, nor in our talk. 

Prabhupad had written in an article that till there is no humility in your words and conduct, no compassion, then you cannot get anything in the spiritual world. Like in a shopping mall if you have no money, you cannot buy anything. So also,  humility and compassion are the ticket to go back to the spiritual world. Mahaprabhu also has said: jīve dayā, name ruci. He did not say our compassion should be on Vaishnavas, (surely we should have for vaishnavas) he said compassion on all living entities. Without jiva dayā you cannot progress in bhajan. And Bhakti Vinod Thakur has said unless you are adorned with the quality of humility, you have no eligibility to do sankīrtan, chāri guṇe guṇī hai karaha kīrtan. 

Without these four qualities: dainya, dayā anye mana, pratiṣṭhā-varjana (humility, mercifulness, respect toward others, and the renunciation of desires for prestige) you do not get the eligibility to do sankīrtan. Sankīrtan devoid of these qualities does not awaken love and devotion to the Lord. Mahaprabhu says the real fruit of sankīrtan is that when one does kīrtan giving up the desire for sense gratification, in a humble mood, and in a mood of separation, then such kīrtan will awaken the consciousness from its slumber. Then it will break your swarupa- brahma [illusion about spiritual identity] and you will remember you are nitya Krishna das. This is what Mahaprabhu came to awaken in us. He did not come to give fuel to your senses, eat well and dress well. He came to awaken our consciousness and for this, we have to perform kīrtan with detachment from the material world. So Guruji teaches us to perform kīrtan in separation mood, like how Mahaprabhu would do, saying,  where is Krishna-the Lord of my life? Where shall I go? Where shall I find You, Vrajendra-nandan? 


Guruji had great affection for my father. I remember on one occasion that Guruji particularly appreciated one Punjabi kīrtan he sang; after this, their relationship deepened. Guruji later asked me to speak about it in his room. The meaning goes like this: 

After wandering in eighty-four lakh species you got this human birth, but what happened? Nothing. In your childhood, your parents doted on you, but what happened? Nothing. In youth, you studied hard and got degrees, but what happened? Nothing. Material knowledge only increases one's false ego. You became an adult and got married, settled well, and so what? Everything is temporary, destructible, and nothing will go with you. Your family grew, your children arrived, and you ate well. What happened? Nothing. By plundering the world you became rich and famous, so what happened, nothing. That Supreme Lord Krishna who cares for you and provides everything, you have no time to think about Him and thank Him for everything. You are a pauper; you are the poorest because you have no peace. Your life is zero. You have no time for bhajan. 

With this Corona pandemic, Lord has given you so much time, but you waste time eating, sleeping, and talking about others, TV, mobile, and entertainment. When Guruji says, Lord says, begin devotional practices from childhood, but we begin at age fifty-five. If you do not change your lifestyle, your conduct, your talk, your dress, your life, then you cannot do bhajan. We hear Guruji's words daily, but if no changes have come in us, then what use? Associate with him; without association, you will not get anything. You know there is a certain medicine that is a cure for fever, but if you do not take it, how will your fever go? We hear Guruji's words, but do not bring them into practice.    


Guruji would run far away from pratiṣṭhā (material ego, prestige.)  In Chandigarh during Guruji's Vyasa-puja he said, "My Guruji saw my weakness in ṣaḍhan-bhajan. So to enable me to do Vaishnava sevā he gave me the responsibility of the maṭh." He then gave a beautiful illustration from Ramayana. A dog once came with a complaint to Sri Ramachandra that a brahmin man hit him violently. Sri Ramachandra asked the dog to decide about what the brahmin's punishment should be, and then the dog said, "Make him maṭh-in-charge." Why? Ramachandra asked, surprised.  Then the dog revealed, "I was a maṭh-in-charge in my previous life. Because I misused the money of the maṭh, I had to become a dog and I got hit today. So, let this brahmin also become a maṭh-in-charge, become greedy for money, and then become a dog and get hit in his next life." Guruji said, "I am also like this. so Guruji told me to serve Vaishnavas and get their mercy, then I can perform bhajan." So much humility in his words; he runs far away from pratiṣṭhā like Madhavendra Puripad ran away in fear from Remuna Khirchora Gopīnath temple to avoid fame.


He is far beyond these three traps of maya: kanaka, kāmāni, and pratiṣṭhā. Bhishma Pitamaha also renounced the desire for kanaka, kāmāni, and pratiṣṭhā, but his renunciation and our Guruji's renunciation has a great difference. Our Guruji renounced non-devotional desires for his Guruji and Lord and Bhishma Pitamaha renounced for his father, so he was unhappy until the end. His renunciation was good, but it was not for bhajan. Without Gurudev's mercy, such renunciation is not possible, so we pray to him for the strength to get over these attractions.    

—Amritananda Das (Ashokji, Delhi)

Excerpt from a transcription from GOKUL India call on 9.4.2020

spoken in Hindi, translation by Rasabihari Prabhu (Jammu)