Experiencing His Divine Presence as a Tsunami Wave of Pure Love

Thank you for giving me the opportunity to try to remember the unlimited glories of His Divine Grace Śrīla Gurujī Bhakti Ballabha Tīrtha Gosvāmī Mahārāja. To glorify the Vaiṣṇavas is the perfection of speech, the perfection of the eyes is to behold the śuddha-bhakta, and the perfection of the ears is to hear their glories and the glories of the Supreme Lord.

I heard that Śrīla Bhakti Dayita Mādhava Mahārāja said, "I have many disciples, they are like the limbs of my body, but Tirtha Mahārāja is my heart." He lived up to my heart’s desires. He has given everything and because by giving his kāya, mana and vākya (by body, mind and words) and his very soul in the service of his Guru. He achieved all the wealth that was in Guru’s heart transmitted into his heart and therefore he was made the successor Ācārya after his departure in 1979.

He was naiṣṭhika-brahmacārī his whole life. He never got married or had children, just like Śrīla Bhakti Dayita Mādhava Gosvāmī Mahārāja who was also a naiṣṭhika-brahmacārī. We have read the symptoms of someone who is not from this world. He has descended from Goloka. He is premikā-bhakta who has descended to this world to deliver the conditioned souls. So he is fully qualified as śrī guru. And Śrīla Gaura Govinda Svāmī used to say that śrī means śreṣṭhaḥ, śobha, and saṃbhāra, which means the topmost wealth or asset which is prema.  So, he is prema-guru, he is Śrī Guru, he is fully qualified to assert that power of śrī guru

Not only did he serve his divine master, he served all his god-brothers, all the prominent senior god-brothers of Śrīla Bhakti Dayita Mādhava Mahārāja , Bhakti Hṛdaya Vana Mahārāja , Bhakti Kumud Santa Mahārāja , Śrī Kṛṣṇa Keśava Brahmacārī, Śrīla Bhakti Rakṣaka Śrīdhara Mahārāja, Kṛṣṇadas Babaji Mahārāja, all the prominent disciples who are like hands and feet of Śrīla Prabhupāda, he served them all because he saw himself lower than a straw in the street. 

I had some personal experiences with Śrīla Gurujī and thought I could share them, but feel they are insignificant as I am nobody. Everybody has their own experiences with him, but my own experience with him was a particular mood emanating from him. I was very lucky to see him in saṃbandha as one who is very near and dear to Śrī Rādhikā Mahārānī. That is the mood he mercifully emanated even if he was not speaking. 

On one Rādhāstami, I was in Kolkata maṭha  devotees threw a wonderful festival. Gurujī did not speak that day but he was very blissful. I went for his darśana in the evening and he greeted all the devotees. As I was standing at the end of the room, I was seeing how beautiful he was; he looked like molten gold with a radiating golden complexion. After I saw this and came out, I went into the room several more times and  kept looking at his beautiful appearance; he was radiating gold. I thought this is completely amazing. He was not speaking about Rādhārāṇī, but deep inside he is meditating on her golden complexion and he has become golden. He was always like a golden complexion anyway, but that day he was just radiating gold. 

He said that no matter how much heat you apply to gold, it never becomes black and it shines even more. He also said that devotion is like gold, but when you put it in the fire of separation it removes it of its impurities.  After that darśanaI asked a godbrother if he saw this effulgent golden form, and he said "yes" with a smile on his face. 

Śrīmad Bhāgavatam says that this golden effulgent complexion is the sign of the sinless person. Śrīla Gurujī is a sinless person because he is always absorbed (in all 24 hours of the day) in the service of the Supreme Lord, Guru-varga, and his Divine Master. Engaged in the loving service of Lord, he is well-protected. 

I experienced him as a tsunami wave of pure love and affection. Speaking about myself I feel that I have a wall around my heart like a rock wall or a cement wall but this tsunami wave crushed the wall and touched my heart. It is so wonderful. When you are in front of him, he gives his whole attention to you; he gives his whole being to you. The moment you left his company and wherever you went in the world, you always felt that he was watching you. He is pretending to be an old man, but he is much bigger than all of that and he is very, very mystical.

He said many times that if you want quality, you have to sacrifice quantity. So now there are many, many gurus all in independent institutions, but who is a real śuddha-bhakta? If you want quality, you have to sacrifice quantity. They are extremely rare in this world. I feel that after the disappearance of my divine Dīkṣā-guru (Śrīla Bhaktivedānta Nārāyaṇa Gosvāmī Mahārāja) that Kṛṣṇa gave this and it was nothing on my part, nothing from my side, but because of His causeless mercy of Rādhārāṇī and of Caitanya Mahāprabhu. They allowed me to come in the presence of such a great Vaiṣṇava and have his association. And I feel very satisfied after so many years. If anybody becomes satisfied just thinking about him, it means he is such a great transcendental personality.

We saw that when he would perform guru-pūjā every day, it was so wonderful to behold his dedication to Śrī Guru. He would say that example is better than precept. We can do so many things, but he was an expert Ācārya. He was an expert about preaching and practice. And in everything he did he was always instructing his disciples how to worship Tulasi Devī. We all saw that he was touching every mañjarī with his lotus hand and prayers were emanating from his lotus lips.

Everyday we saw in his guru-pūjā how to respect your guru, how to respect Vaiṣṇavas. And then we saw his worship of the activities his Guru performed as he gazed at the pictures that are around the bhajana-kuṭīra. He was worshiping all his Guru’s wonderful preaching activities and the things that he established in his time and his works. 

We are completely blessed, anyone who has come in contact with him as his dīkṣā or śikṣā-guru or just as a well-wisher of his for all time, he blessed. May he look down upon us and guide us on the path to devotion and keep us firmly on this path of śuddha-bhakti and may we have the company of such a great soul on this path. 

—Premānanda dasa

spoken in English on Zoom. April 28, 2024

transcribed with editing (please notify us with any corrections)












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