His Transcendental Paradoxes
Guru is one who chases away darkness and brings light. Like many devotees, the first thought that comes when I remember Śrīla Guru Mahārāja is his kīrtana. I think it was in 1999 that Śrīla Mahārāja came for the first time in France. Thanks to Bindu Mādhava Prabhu and Śrīla Mahārāja’s associates, we were so fortunate. We are actually extremely fortunate that Śrīla Mahārāja came to South France to a place called Monto in Viśvaṃbhara Prabhu’s home. We had actually no idea of what to expect at all. At that time, I was about eighteen years old and we were maybe four or five men devotees living peacefully in that house. We enjoyed singing bhajans together and appreciated each other’s association.
Luckily Śrīla Mahārāja arrived and I can say now that it was a major turning point in my life. Although I was born in a Vaiṣṇava family and grew up in a Vaiṣṇava environment, I was young at that time and when people would say "Oh, yes, Mūrti does good kīrtana, he plays nice mṛdaṅga" I was kind of proud of that. But then Mahārāja came and offered kīrtana in such a way as he does and my idea that I could take the mṛdaṅga and this will actually help the kīrtana changed. Initially, I may have liked to help boost the kīrtana, but very quickly I just felt that I actually did not know what was going on.
[Choking with tears Prabhuji said] "This is so happening and it is not pleasant because it is blocking me from all the things I want to say.
I feel that Śrīla Bhakti Ballabha Tīrtha Gosvāmī Mahārāja introduced me to what kīrtana actually is; now I can say that for sure. And if there is a reason for great feeling of lamentation today, it is that we cannot hear his kīrtanas anymore. But whatever mahabhāgavats do is a blessing for us. The fact that he left us physically must also be seen as a blessing. It would be wrong of us to see that any other way.
I feel that there is so much divine paradox in his personality. He was so soft that even a baby would feel at ease and feel comfortable in his presence because he would create such an environment that allows that. So on one side he was so soft, and paradoxically on the other side, he was just so powerful—powerful like a lion in his determination, in his kīrtana, and in his way of preaching. Another paradox is that he was so far and high in the spiritual sky, yet he was so low in the sense that he would reach down to people that are completely supposedly out of reach of the spiritual realm, yet he has access to both.
I'll share about how I felt in his kīrtana. Luckily there are so many videos and recordings we can see now. I was watching one the other day that looked as though it was probably in Ukraine or Russia. I saw that Mahārāja was doing his kīrtana, but somehow my eyes got caught on one of the devotees in the sankīrtana party, particularly one devotee who was maybe fifty or sixty years of age who was playing the kartālas. Mahārāja was chanting "Jaya dau, jaya dau" kīrtana and the devotee was so high that he did not know what Mahārāja was singing. He was not singing but he was so captivated as if someone has plugged a bulb in the socket and the light was coming on. This was also what was happening to me in South France when Śrīla Mahārāja came for the first time. It made me laugh and it made me cry because of the power of his compassion. The mercy of the Lord takes the form of guru or vaiṣṇava. I do not have any reason as to why he is giving me so much of this mercy.
Śrīla Mahārāja was also very strict, extremely strict. We all know that he appeared on Śrī Rāma-navamī. Lord Śrī Ramachandra is Maryādā Puruṣottama, showing the perfect etiquette; not a millimeter of going to the side; very strict. For example, he will never leave his daṇḍa, his invocations were all very, very strict, and basically, his vaiṣṇava etiquette was exemplary.
He really adapted in all situations. When he came to South France we did not know he was an exemplary Ācārya of Śrī Caitanya Gauḍīya Maṭha, the biggest and most popular Gauḍīya maṭha that exists. We did not know how to receive him properly, we were not trained in that. First we asked Mahārāja to go upstairs, but the stairs were very steep, so he said he will stay downstairs. But the downstairs was basically a living room, which was the room that was there when you opened the main door of the house and enter. He said "I will stay here."
In one corner of that room there in the corner was a small cot that of two or three meters. Mahārāja said it was ok to be there and only requested that we may provide some cloth. He stayed there peacefully with no problems. We told him that this is your house and we moved out. Some stayed upstairs and most of us moved to the garden and stayed in tents. He was the Ācārya of Śrī Caitanya Gauḍīya Maṭha who was resting in the living room, but he had adapted. The devotees traveling with him including Anantaram Prabhu, Śrīkanta Prabhu, Bhūtabhāvana Prabhu, Sudarśana Prabhu, Śrīla Viṣṇu Mahārāja and others were looking after the cooking sevā and basically we thought that we were doing the service but actually they were serving us.
Śrīla Mahārāja came to South France three times. We could not realize our extraordinary fortune at first and it was only with time that we realized what was happening. It was not that the Vaiṣṇavas of his stature come and go, they are eternal. It is foolish to think that the Vaiṣṇava dies like any other person. Mahārāja's influence and presence blessed the whole world. But his purifying influence during his physical presence is exponential; there is no doubt about it.
One year when Śrīla Mahārāja was here, we had the programs upstairs. Kīrtana was going on and we could not resist the urge for dancing when he was doing kīrtana. Everyone started dancing and we could actually feel the floor starting to move. As much as Śrīla Mahārāja was completely absorbed in the kīrtana, he was also fully present with his surroundings. So he pointed to the floor and said, "Hey, be careful!" And we laughed because we just did not care, because whatever was happening around us not in our minds and we just kept on dancing. But he was very careful to warn us.
The next year we had the programs and kīrtanas downstairs and the ceiling was quite low, maybe about two and a half meters.We started dancing, but for many devotees it was almost touching their head and this time Mahārāja said, 'be careful of your head." Śrīla Mahārāja actually brought the spiritual world there but at the same time he was very aware of the surroundings.
When he was giving lectures he was also completely absorbed in his hari-kathā while glorifying Śrī Dhruva Mahārāja, Śrī Prahlāda Mahārāja, and Śrī Ambarīṣa Mahārāja in detail. He would speak hari-kathā very slowly, using very detailed descriptions. He used words very perfectly and the words he chose were completely fitting. He had this way of expressing himself which is super excellent.
Ṭhākuraji was on Mahārāja's right side and at some point as he was looking down he stopped talking. I looked up to see what was happening and he was looking at the altar because a garland from Nityānanda Prabhu fell on Śrīla Svāmī Prabhupāda’s picture. Śrīla Bhakti Ballabha Tīrtha Gosvāmī Mahārāja stopped his lecture and he said, "Look! Nityānanda Prabhu is showing his mercy to Bhaktivedānta Svāmī Mahārāja." First we thought we had made a mistake that we had not tied the garland properly, but he was seeing everything in connection with the Lord.
Now I will end by saying that another of Śrīla Mahārāja's transcendental paradoxes is that His Divine Grace is both so absent and he is also so very present. It is actually miraculous. This is the only adjective I can say—it is miraculous. The activities of the pure devotees are miraculous, his character is miraculous, and whether he is present or not, he is miraculous.
People say that Śrīla Bhakti Ballabha Tīrtha Gosvāmī Mahārāja was the xerox copy of Śrīla Bhakti Dayita Mādhava Gosvāmī Mahārāja except that maybe he was shorter in size. Still, he was a xerox copy of him in personality and everything. And I thought about the title of Śrīla Param Guru-padapadma Bhakti Dayita Mādhava Gosvāmī which is Bhakti Dayita, meaning dear to bhakti. and Śrīla Mahārāja's sannyās title is Bhakti Ballabha, which also means dear. Thus, their sannyās name is also similar.
I will end by saying that Śrīla Mahārāja is present among us by his disciples and I am forever, forever grateful to all of them. I have so many dear friends and Śrīla Mahārāja continues to bless us through them. So, please forgive my stupidity in attempting to glorify Mahabhāgavat Śrīla Bhakti Ballabha Tīrtha Gosvāmī Mahārāja.
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