He Dared Not Walk Ahead of Guru-varga
I offer my humble obeisances at the divine lotus feet of my Guru Mahārāja, Nityalīlā Om Viṣṇupada Aṣṭottara Śata Śrī Śrīmad Bhakti Pramoda Puri Gosvāmī Mahārāja and equal daṇḍavat-praṇams to my śikṣā Gurudevas, Nityalīlā Om Viṣṇupada Aṣṭottara Śata Śrīla Bhaktivedānta Nārāyaṇa Gosvāmī Mahārāja and Nityalīlā Om Viṣṇupada Bhakti Vijñāna Bhāratī Gosvāmī Mahārāja.
My millions and millions of daṇḍavat-praṇams to the most revered embodiment of simplicity and humility whose hundredth appearance (centennial celebration) is being observed this year beginning from Rāmanavamī by devotees all over the world. They worship Pūjyapāda Nityalīlā Praviṣṭa Śrīla Om Viṣṇupada Śrī Śrīmad Bhakti Ballabha Tirtha Gosvāmī Mahārāja by remembering his contributions, his pastimes, and his great interactions with devotees worldwide. I pay my humble obeisances at his divine lotus feet, and to Śrīla Bhakti Siddhānta Sarasvatī Prabhupāda and all his prominent disciples, and Śrī Saccidānanda Gaurahari and all His associates.
My Guru Mahārāja stayed with Śrīla Bhakti Dayita Mādhava Gosvāmī Mahārāja for more than half of his life and there was such a great, friendly mood between the godbrothers. I will pick a few of his glories that really touch the heart. I think if I embrace even one or two moods of Śrī Śrīmad Bhakti Ballabha Tirtha Gosvāmī Mahārāja before I leave this world that will be the success of my life, that I can be born again with that mood of ideal disciple. Śrī Śrīmad Bhakti Ballabha Tirtha Gosvāmī Mahārāja was an ideal disciple. He appeared on Rāmanavamī, the appearance of Lord Rāma who is the embodiment of ideal conduct and maryādā (etiquette). So, it is not a surprise that Pūjyapāda Mahārāja was also born on that day as he has shown ideal conduct and is the embodiment of that etiquette as an ideal disciple and Guru.
Śrīla Bhakti Dayita Mādhava Gosvāmī Mahārāja appointed Śrī Śrīla Bhakti Ballabha Tīrtha Gosvāmī Mahārāja as his successor Ācārya, but he did not want to play this role as an ācārya. Expressing his humility, he said he cannot be on the same āsana with his Guru-varga, because he has seen Śrīla Bhakti Pramoda Puri Gosvāmī Mahārāja and Śrīla Bhakti Rakṣaka Śrīdhara Dev Gosvāmī Mahārāja and so many of Prabhupāda’s disciples and understands that they are actual Ācāryas. [He also said] that his Guru Mahārāja made him an Ācārya but he was not qualified to play this role as an Ācārya. He was very much reluctant to accept this post.
At that time, my Guru Mahārāja [Śrila Bhakti Pramoda Puri Gosvāmī Mahārāja] was also staying in Sree Caitanya Gauḍīya Maṭha and chastised Śrī Śrīmad Bhakti Ballabha Tirtha Gosvāmī Mahārāja, asking why he did not want to play this role. Glorious is the disciple whom his dīkṣā or śikṣā Guru glorifies. Śrīla Bhakti Ballabha Tīrtha Gosvāmī Mahārāja was glorified by my Guru Mahārāja. He said, "You are a pure Vaiṣṇava. People in this world need your blessings; they need you."
Śrīla Bhakti Ballabha Tīrtha Gosvāmī Mahārāja said, "Mahārāja, what can I say? If I start making disciples, I have to take a portion of their sins. And if I take that, I will go to hell." Then my Guru Mahārāja gave a kind of mild, sweet chastisement to his śikṣā disciple Śrīla Bhakti Ballabha Tīrtha Gosvāmī Mahārāja. He said "In either case, you have to go to hell. If you take disciples, you have to take the sins of your disciples. But if you transgress the order of your Guru Mahārāja, Śrīla Bhakti Dayita Mādhava Gosvāmī Mahārāja to become his successor, you are disobeying Guru and also have to go to hell. So, either way, you have to go to hell. So, you choose which is the best way to go to hell. Why don’t we just go to hell by obeying the order of Guru Mahārāja instead of thinking that I have to take the sins of my disciples?"
Supported by these words of encouragement and blessings from my Guru Mahārāja, Pūjyapāda Śrīla Bhakti Ballabha Tīrtha Gosvāmī Mahārāja started playing this role of Ācārya, which means accepting disciples. Then invitations started coming from the Western world to come and bless America, Russia, and other Countries with his kind grace, words, lectures, and moods. Again, Śrīla Bhakti Ballabha Tīrtha Gosvāmī Mahārāja was reluctant to accept. He said, "The Western World is full of sins, I don’t want to go there."
Again and again, there were so many humble requests from the devotees for him to come. Śrīla Bhakti Ballabha Tīrtha Gosvāmī Mahārāja said that if Śrīla Bhakti Pramoda Puri Gosvāmī Mahārāja can take all responsibility for him, nothing is going to happen to me if I travel to the Western world. So when the news came to my Guru Mahārāja, Guru Mahārāja was in tears. And with both his hands raised he blessed Śrīla Bhakti Ballabha Tīrtha Gosvāmī Mahārāja. He said, "If you want to make me serve you by taking responsibility for you, I am ready for that, for the mission of Śrī Caitanya Mahāprabhu." This is a great mood of sacrifice.
There are so many sweet interactions of Ācāryas which are sometimes seen in a very gross mood. If we go into details, the subtleties, and into the depth of that, then we come to another level. It is a very subtle level of understanding as to why someone preaches and why someone plays the role of a guru. There are so many detailed and subtle points. It cannot be understood with the gross level of understanding. My Guru Mahārāja said, "If you are asking this from me, I am ready to serve you by taking your responsibility." My Guru Mahārāja used to give so much regard to Śrīla Bhakti Ballabha Tīrtha Gosvāmī Mahārāja. And on the other side, Śrīla Bhakti Ballabha Tīrtha Gosvāmī Mahārāja gives so much regard to my Guru Mahārāja, considering him as non different from his Guru Mahārāja.
During Kārtika parikramā, (when Śrīla Bhakti Dayita Mādhava Gosvāmī Mahārāja was no longer present on the planet) my Guru Mahārāja Śrīla Bhakti Pramoda Puri Gosvāmī Mahārāja used to lead the parikramā. Śrīla Bhakti Ballabha Tīrtha Gosvāmī Mahārāja used to sing in such a melodious way and with so much absorption that many Ācāryas used to stop by to listen. In some videos, you can see that when he is singing, he is not affected by who is watching him or what postures or movements he is doing. He was clapping his hands in an innocent, childlike way and it was very touching.
In his advanced age, my Guru Mahārāja walked very slowly and one day they had to travel a long distance to a pastime place in Vraja. Some godbrothers of Śrīla Bhakti Ballabha Tīrtha Gosvāmī Mahārāja whispered in his ears saying that Śrīla Bhakti Pramoda Puri Gosvāmī Mahārāja is very slow. If we walk at this pace while following him, then we cannot achieve our destination until late in the evening. So better we should ask for his blessings and we should proceed further and then gradually he will come with his slow pace.
When Śrīla Bhakti Ballabha Tīrtha Gosvāmī Mahārāja heard this, he became very angry. He looked towards his godbrothers and said, "You all can transgress this etiquette. But I cannot do this. I have never learned in my life to transgress maryādā and I have never learned in my life to go ahead of my Guru- varga. Our life and our mission is to serve the divine lotus feet of our Ācāryas. Śrīla Bhakti Pramoda Puri Gosvāmī Mahārāja is non different from my Guru Mahārāja. He gave me so much nourishment and so many blessings. He took responsibility for me. I dare not go ahead and leave him in the back. I cannot do this. If you want to go, you can go, but I cannot. I will always follow in his footsteps whether his pace is slow or fast." So, teaching by his example, [we understand that he is an] ideal disciple and ideal guru.
I remember when I was serving my Guru Mahārāja when he was manifesting his sickness pastimes in 1999 and some of his godbrothers came to visit him. Many Ācāryas of different Gauḍīya maṭhas also used to come and visit my Guru Mahārāja. I still remember when Śrīla Bhakti Ballabha Tīrtha Gosvāmī Mahārāja came and visited; the scene is still in my head. When he came and visited my Guru Mahārāja, he paid flat obeisances to Guru Mahārāja. He came to Guru Mahārāja’s lotus feet and placed his head on the lotus feet of Guru Mahārāja and he started weeping. He drenched the lotus feet of Guru Mahārāja with tears flowing from his eyes. I am witness to this. Then he came near to Guru Mahārāja’s face and held his hand. He said, "Mahārāja, I am here to visit you. Why are you not speaking to me? It never happened throughout my life. It never happened like this. Whenever I came to you, you always said sweet (blessings) every time. But why are you not speaking to me today? Why are you not speaking? Have I done something wrong? Have I offended you in some way? Please Mahārāja, please Mahārāja, please Mahārāja, speak to me. You always give blessings to me, always. Why are you not giving blessings to me today?"
He was crying bitterly like a young child and became very emotional that my Guru Mahārāja was not speaking to him and not placing his hands on his head. Seeing this situation, his disciples took him out of the room of Guru Mahārāja, understanding that he would collapse. Even though he walked out from the room, he did not stop his tears. I think back [and consider] what is this? There was so much attachment to one’s dīkṣā and śikṣā Gurudeva.
On many occasions, we saw him after he had completed his morning gāyatrī, when he came and watered Tulasī. And not just randomly [routinely] as we do sometimes. We just water the Tulasī plant, pay obeisances, and walk away. But Pūjyapāda Mahārāja was not just showing off to his disciples that Ācārya is supposed to do like this; he was sincerely doing this from his heart. He was touching each and every tiny branch of that plant, touching the leaves and placing his head on them while paying obeisances. He performed worship with prayers and stutis and it did not matter to him how long it took; there was no time bondage.
Then he used to visit his Guru Mahārāja’s bhajana kuṭira in Sree Caitanya Gauḍīya Maṭha. You can see Śrīla Bhakti Dayita Mādhava Gosvāmī Mahārāja’s bed, his wooden sandals, and his pictures there. If we go and visit any bhajana kuṭira, we simply pay obeisances and come out, but this was Śrīla Bhakti Ballabha Tīrtha Gosvāmī Mahārāja's routine every day. After completing his mantras, he used to come and pay flat obeisances to his Guru Mahārāja’s picture and touch every picture of his Guru Mahārāja with his small, soft hands, paying obeisances to each and every picture on the wall. He would place the wooden sandals of his Guru Mahārāja on his head, showing so much attachment, not just paying obeisances and leaving. He used to take his time, saying that these wooden sandals are what my Guru Mahārāja used to wear and he used to preach and move around wearing them, so this is holy tirtha for me; this is my life and soul. He had so much love for Gurudeva and his paraphernalia (things used by him). This is unparalleled. I have never seen any Vaiṣṇava in my life as simple as Śrīla Bhakti Ballabha Tīrtha Gosvāmī Mahārāja. He is an actual embodiment of simplicity and humility.
Another thing was, there used to be a paper on Mahārāja's desk where the name and address of Sree Caitanya Gauḍīya Maṭha was written: 35 Satish Mukherjee Road, Kolkata. It also said the names of his Guru Mahārāja, Prabhupāda, and Guru-varga. Every time after he came back to his room from visiting his Guru Mahārāja’s bhajana kuṭira he used to read this. Can we imagine what his absorption was? He said, "This is not a simple temple in the middle of Kolkata, this is Goloka Vṛndāvana, where my Guru Mahārāja and Bhakti Pramoda Puri Gosvāmī Mahārāja came from. They lived here for years and performed their bhajan here, so I see this as non-different from Goloka Vṛndāvana."
This provides so much inspiration for fallen sādhakas like me. That is why I said I want to embrace just one mood of Śrīla Bhakti Ballabha Tīrtha Gosvāmī Mahārāja before I die so that in my next life I can born again with this mood and to become an ideal disciple of my spiritual master and to serve throughout my life like Śrīla Bhakti Ballabha Tīrtha Gosvāmī Mahārāja served his Guru Mahārāja.
—Śrīla Bhaktivedānta Siddhānti Mahārāja
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