It is Only By His Blessing That We Receive Darshan

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2017 was the first year I attended Vyasa Puja without having any idea that this would be the last opportunity while Srila Gurudeva was still physically present with us here. On 93rd Vyasa Puja of Srila Gurudev, we stayed in Kolkata Math for one full week from 3rd April 2017 to 10th April. It was a very happy and joyous time with math buzzing with devotees. The Days filled with soulful kirtans by devotees and Harikathas from Guruvarga and was very memorable in the association of hundreds of godbrothers and godsisters.

It was all by His blessings only that we had darsan of Gurudev's Vyasa Puja, got a chance to offers flowers and pranams at His Divine Lotus Feet, got charanamrta, and participated in the grand celebrations that was observed in the Math and Uttama Manch auditorium, heard glories of Gurudev to heart's content, also advice from guru-varga on sadhan-bhajan. Staying for 4-5 days after Vyasa Puja and taking Gurudev's darsan daily morning and evening, returned home hoping for a quiet time to sit and gather those precious moments within the heart. But this quiet time was not to be, for Gurudev had different plans.

We got the news of Gurudev's cardiac arrest on 13th morning and passed 2-3 days anxiously waiting for latest health updates. Finally, we rushed again to Kolkata on that weekend. Initially we had plans for only 2-3 days stay and after darsan had booked our return tickets for the next day and were about to leave. Two to three hours before leaving for airport, I felt I got very engrossed in kirtans and things going around in the Math and felt I should make best of every moment and did not feel like leaving at all.

As we were preparing to leave with a heavy heart, I just happened to mention this to one of godbrothers in the sevak team, and he immediately took the opportunity to speak his heart to us, and said: "No, I think it is not correct for you to leave now and go. Gurudeva is playing the pastimes of severe illness. Any day, any time he may choose to leave for eternal abode. We should be with Him, near Him during this crucial period and get His grace." He continued, "suppose your father is seriously ill and you come to visit him, will you leave him and go at that point of time? Gurudeva is not just our father for this life, He is our spiritual father, eternal father, for life after life."

It seemed then that Srila Gurudeva was telling us in our hearts not to go. We decided to cancel our tickets right away. That was to be the best decision taken at just the right moment. Suddenly feeling very peaceful at heart, I went back to join the kirtan group doing kirtans round the clock. Then had strongly felt Gurudeva graced me through our godbrother and got me involved in the proceedings going on there all the more.

All through these days, we would get darsan of Gurudev two-three times a day, charanamrta, a bit of Maha-maha-prasad (in the form of soup or sweetened diluted milk), association of hundreds of godbrothers and godsisters, listening to the glories of Hari, Guru and Vaishnavas from the holy lips of Guruvarga, 24 hours sankirtan, and also received the blessing to hear senior devotees share their thoughts and treasured moments and experiences with Gurudeva, including the teachings they got from Him with love or chastisement.

Gurudev's grace continued to flow and fulfilled all my desires— to visit Mayapur dham, to follow Gurudev in Parikrama in Dham in kirtan, to hear His transcendental kirtans, to touch his Holy Lotus feet, and to take his special blessings. He also answered prayers in the heart to be with him during his last moments in his manifest pastimes, in his last journey, and to witness the samadhi proceedings. I followed him in kirtans with thousands of devotees on His journey to Mayapur dham, and in Dham on Ekadasi tithi to Sri Gopinatha Gaudiya Math in the procession, could witness Maha-abhisheka, Maha-arotika and Maha-samadhi proceedings, to be a part of it all, and the next day participate in the viraha-mahotsav when acharyas from various math sang His glories and later, maha-prasadam. I pray Gurudeva that these impressions last forever in my mind and heart that I remember Him and the Holy Dham when I take my last breath.

On return back home, I could feel my ears and heart filled with kirtan sounds—Gurudeva, Dayamoy...Gurudev, Dayamoy.. and Jaya Jaya Gurudeva...Jaya Jaya Gurudeva!

I pray, Oh Gurudev, Please be Merciful as ever.. please forgive me for all my offences at Your Lotus Feet. Please bestow shelter in the cool shade of Your Lotus Feet forever and ever. May we hear Your sweet pastimes, your transcendental Harikathas and soulful kirtans again and again and may they make home in our hearts permanently.

Koti Koti dandavat pranams at Your Divine Lotus Feet.. Jai Gurudev!


—Vishakha Dasi (Bangalore)

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