The Great Joy in His Divine Presence
To most sacred, most beloved, most adored His Divine Self Srila Bhakti Ballabh Tirtha Goswami Maharaja :
Oh Vaishnava Thakur, please do accept my repeated most humble loving obeisances unto Your lotus feet.
Today I was asked by one of Your most worshipable disciples to honor You, to glorify You, but because I have no qualifications to do so, I will try my best to remember You through the times I have had the immense blessing of meeting You. This great privilege of being in Your presence was given to me as I recall, 7 times.
What is most outstanding to me from those meetings is the joy, the bliss which would arise in our hearts simply by being in Your presence; the softness and gentleness that would arise in our hearts simply by Your presence. The sacredness that the places would immediately be imbibed with as they were blessed by Your footsteps—Your presence made that place become beautiful and a holy land.
Flowers in quantity would appear, everything, all the arrangements would just fall into place so perfectly for Your arrival and during Your stay amongst us. It is easy for me to understand today that all these were actually directed by some unseen force—there were no difficulties and everything would just flow so easily. But when You would leave then tears would just pour from our eyes as if the sun was setting down and would never appear again. Just remembering this today tears flow from my eyes.
I also remember very clearly the first time I have met You. After I was told that a sadhu from India was coming I was pushed by curiosity and by the enthusiasm I could see in the devotees' announcement of Your arrival. When I came to that place where You were staying, I arrived for the program late and walked into the room just as a kirtan was ending. I first noticed that this person sitting on the Vyasasan seemed to be of a certain age, maybe (to my eyes) even a bit fragile.
You were wrapped in a chaddar which was hiding the rest of Your body. I offered my obeisances to You and the assembly and as I sat fascinated by the presence emanating from You. Then You started singing kirtan to Lord Nrsinghadev. At that very moment You started the kirtan, I understood that I was in front of a personality that was beyond my comprehension, not from this world— so powerful, most powerful! A power I had never encountered before. As You started the kirtan, Your body came out of the chaddar, expanded singing the name of The Lord and Ohe Vaishnava Thakur! This form of Yours was most beautifuI! It was an amazing kirtan. Devotees were literally transported to another world.
Unfortunately, today I have very few memories of how those days went by. I just remember the mood of service and gentleness and kindness—the devotees next to Your door eagerly waiting for darshan, and the joy of every single one of us, our fascination for Your sweetness and for every word You would speak (we wanted to drink every word coming out from Your lips), for the craze that would go on during kirtans. Seeing You dance in the kirtan drove the devotees in pure joy, ecstasy— and we wished You would stay forever, wish we could stay in that state forever…
After every time I had Your darshan, I observed that same phenomenon, regardless of whether Your direct disciples or devotees from other sangas coming to have Your darshan. There was joy, eagerness, the fascination, the sweetness— love emanating through Your presence. From that very moment, I have met You my life changed. My heart opened up. It is only years after that I realized the impact of having Your darshan, how since that day, You have always looked after me, whether very directly or indirectly, how Your mercy has always smoothed things for me in most difficult times. You have guided me always, sometimes sending me very clear signs on the spot, signs that make no doubt that You are looking after me, and sometimes signs that I could detect only years later. You sent me my most beloved guardian after hearing my prayers in a very troubled part of my spiritual life, where I turned my face towards You for help.
How can I glorify You? I can't! I know You are from a world I cannot see. How can those eyes of mine comprehend the world You are coming from, comprehend You? How can this heart of mine describe the qualities of the one such as Yours, a person by whose presence one has his heart changed, his life changed, a person that can make you cry before even entering a room, a person that generates so much kindness that His energy goes beyond physical-gross walls! Tears start flowing even before being in that presence, at just the approach of that presence, one gets touched by Your grace, gets his heart cleansed even before Your physical presence actually appears.
As I remember all this, one quality of Yours that strikes me is the gravity and grace in all of Your gestures, the sweetness that emanates from Your eyes deep like the deepest ocean, and now as I am saying all this I realize that at no point there is any trace of forcing, only encouraging, and everything in Your presence comes out so spontaneously, by love for You. I am understanding today that as I did not have the qualification to understand and even hear Your words still You have made Yourself available to me, using other methods melting my heart by Your sweetness, cleansing it by Your presence, thus preparing my heart so I could eventually receive Your teachings and so that I would be able to always feel Your presence in my life. Such is Your mercy...
Yours eternally,
Lalita Sakhi dasi (France)
Oh Vaishnava Thakur, please do accept my repeated most humble loving obeisances unto Your lotus feet.
Today I was asked by one of Your most worshipable disciples to honor You, to glorify You, but because I have no qualifications to do so, I will try my best to remember You through the times I have had the immense blessing of meeting You. This great privilege of being in Your presence was given to me as I recall, 7 times.
What is most outstanding to me from those meetings is the joy, the bliss which would arise in our hearts simply by being in Your presence; the softness and gentleness that would arise in our hearts simply by Your presence. The sacredness that the places would immediately be imbibed with as they were blessed by Your footsteps—Your presence made that place become beautiful and a holy land.
Flowers in quantity would appear, everything, all the arrangements would just fall into place so perfectly for Your arrival and during Your stay amongst us. It is easy for me to understand today that all these were actually directed by some unseen force—there were no difficulties and everything would just flow so easily. But when You would leave then tears would just pour from our eyes as if the sun was setting down and would never appear again. Just remembering this today tears flow from my eyes.
I also remember very clearly the first time I have met You. After I was told that a sadhu from India was coming I was pushed by curiosity and by the enthusiasm I could see in the devotees' announcement of Your arrival. When I came to that place where You were staying, I arrived for the program late and walked into the room just as a kirtan was ending. I first noticed that this person sitting on the Vyasasan seemed to be of a certain age, maybe (to my eyes) even a bit fragile.
You were wrapped in a chaddar which was hiding the rest of Your body. I offered my obeisances to You and the assembly and as I sat fascinated by the presence emanating from You. Then You started singing kirtan to Lord Nrsinghadev. At that very moment You started the kirtan, I understood that I was in front of a personality that was beyond my comprehension, not from this world— so powerful, most powerful! A power I had never encountered before. As You started the kirtan, Your body came out of the chaddar, expanded singing the name of The Lord and Ohe Vaishnava Thakur! This form of Yours was most beautifuI! It was an amazing kirtan. Devotees were literally transported to another world.
Unfortunately, today I have very few memories of how those days went by. I just remember the mood of service and gentleness and kindness—the devotees next to Your door eagerly waiting for darshan, and the joy of every single one of us, our fascination for Your sweetness and for every word You would speak (we wanted to drink every word coming out from Your lips), for the craze that would go on during kirtans. Seeing You dance in the kirtan drove the devotees in pure joy, ecstasy— and we wished You would stay forever, wish we could stay in that state forever…
After every time I had Your darshan, I observed that same phenomenon, regardless of whether Your direct disciples or devotees from other sangas coming to have Your darshan. There was joy, eagerness, the fascination, the sweetness— love emanating through Your presence. From that very moment, I have met You my life changed. My heart opened up. It is only years after that I realized the impact of having Your darshan, how since that day, You have always looked after me, whether very directly or indirectly, how Your mercy has always smoothed things for me in most difficult times. You have guided me always, sometimes sending me very clear signs on the spot, signs that make no doubt that You are looking after me, and sometimes signs that I could detect only years later. You sent me my most beloved guardian after hearing my prayers in a very troubled part of my spiritual life, where I turned my face towards You for help.
How can I glorify You? I can't! I know You are from a world I cannot see. How can those eyes of mine comprehend the world You are coming from, comprehend You? How can this heart of mine describe the qualities of the one such as Yours, a person by whose presence one has his heart changed, his life changed, a person that can make you cry before even entering a room, a person that generates so much kindness that His energy goes beyond physical-gross walls! Tears start flowing even before being in that presence, at just the approach of that presence, one gets touched by Your grace, gets his heart cleansed even before Your physical presence actually appears.
As I remember all this, one quality of Yours that strikes me is the gravity and grace in all of Your gestures, the sweetness that emanates from Your eyes deep like the deepest ocean, and now as I am saying all this I realize that at no point there is any trace of forcing, only encouraging, and everything in Your presence comes out so spontaneously, by love for You. I am understanding today that as I did not have the qualification to understand and even hear Your words still You have made Yourself available to me, using other methods melting my heart by Your sweetness, cleansing it by Your presence, thus preparing my heart so I could eventually receive Your teachings and so that I would be able to always feel Your presence in my life. Such is Your mercy...
Yours eternally,
Lalita Sakhi dasi (France)
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