The Mercy of His Prasad
Srila Gurudeva gave me some deep lessons, unexpectedly using samosas as a medium. The first time he handed me one, it was during evening darshan time in his bhajan kutir in Kolkata. He asked, “Do you know what is it?” I answered, “It’s a samosa.” I thought he asked me that because I’m a foreigner and I wouldn't know what it is. So, I simply reported the name of it to him.
The next time he was distributing samosas, he asked me another question: “Do you know how to make it?” I looked at his most adorable face and tried to figure out why he was asking me this. I blurted out, “No, Gurudev, I have never cooked them, but do you want me to learn? I can learn.” He didn't respond to me. When I went home, I looked at Youtube to see how to make samosas. I thought he wanted me to learn so I could use it for service somehow.
After another week or two went by, there was yet another samosa waiting for me in his sweet hand. He looked in my eyes this time when he spoke to me. It seemed he wanted to give me a telepathic hint. And he said the first question again, a repeat from the quiz I failed from before.
“Do you know what this is?” And he made me say, “It’s your mercy, Gurudev. Prasad is mercy.” And he said, “good, good... very good.”
Although I had figured this was the conclusion of my samosa instructions, the pinnacle had yet arrived. Next time he asked, “Do you know what’s inside?” He didn’t wait for me to answer, and continued, “It’s tasty! Very, very tasty!” I had no response. I simply became suspended in the timelessness of that moment; the way he spoke and the look of deep satisfaction in his facial expression.
If Gurudeva said anything to me in darshan, I wrote all these things down in my journal. Although I try to hold things in my heart, unfortunately, I remember materialistic things more than anything else, so I was worried I'd forget if I didn't write them down.
About 2 years after Srila Gurudeva had entered into his antaranga bhajan, I was looking over these entries again. It occurred to me at that time that there was a sequence of lessons being mercifully revealed to me by him.
When he asked his first question, "do you know what this is?" my reply was limited to the material realm. It revealed my limited conception.
I was new at trying to practice devotion (I still am) but at that time I had not fully understood that everything he spoke only had spiritual significance. I understood later he was trying to teach me what is actually prasad. He was not handing me any material item with a material name. This was his prasad. This was his mercy, and it should be deeply honored.
When he asked me if I knew how to make it, I thought he was referring to samosas. I considered the ingredients and material process of assembling them. But this was not what he meant at all. How foolish was this poor soul before him. Really he was asking me if I knew how to offer bhog to the Lord before I myself took it. That is how you "make" prasad.
When he asked me what was inside the samosa, of course, he was not talking about the spiced potatoes. He was talking about what is inside that mercy; what is underlying it. That mercy cannot be perceived on the surface, not related to anything material. It is inside. And he showed me through that delighted look on his face that he was indeed tasting it.
We think we are having darshan when we materially perceive his form, and we get prasad when we can hold and see something in our own hand. When we taste food without the idea of prasad, we think things such as this needs salt, this has too much chili, etc.
The next time he was distributing samosas, he asked me another question: “Do you know how to make it?” I looked at his most adorable face and tried to figure out why he was asking me this. I blurted out, “No, Gurudev, I have never cooked them, but do you want me to learn? I can learn.” He didn't respond to me. When I went home, I looked at Youtube to see how to make samosas. I thought he wanted me to learn so I could use it for service somehow.
After another week or two went by, there was yet another samosa waiting for me in his sweet hand. He looked in my eyes this time when he spoke to me. It seemed he wanted to give me a telepathic hint. And he said the first question again, a repeat from the quiz I failed from before.
“Do you know what this is?” And he made me say, “It’s your mercy, Gurudev. Prasad is mercy.” And he said, “good, good... very good.”
Although I had figured this was the conclusion of my samosa instructions, the pinnacle had yet arrived. Next time he asked, “Do you know what’s inside?” He didn’t wait for me to answer, and continued, “It’s tasty! Very, very tasty!” I had no response. I simply became suspended in the timelessness of that moment; the way he spoke and the look of deep satisfaction in his facial expression.
If Gurudeva said anything to me in darshan, I wrote all these things down in my journal. Although I try to hold things in my heart, unfortunately, I remember materialistic things more than anything else, so I was worried I'd forget if I didn't write them down.
About 2 years after Srila Gurudeva had entered into his antaranga bhajan, I was looking over these entries again. It occurred to me at that time that there was a sequence of lessons being mercifully revealed to me by him.
When he asked his first question, "do you know what this is?" my reply was limited to the material realm. It revealed my limited conception.
I was new at trying to practice devotion (I still am) but at that time I had not fully understood that everything he spoke only had spiritual significance. I understood later he was trying to teach me what is actually prasad. He was not handing me any material item with a material name. This was his prasad. This was his mercy, and it should be deeply honored.
When he asked me if I knew how to make it, I thought he was referring to samosas. I considered the ingredients and material process of assembling them. But this was not what he meant at all. How foolish was this poor soul before him. Really he was asking me if I knew how to offer bhog to the Lord before I myself took it. That is how you "make" prasad.
When he asked me what was inside the samosa, of course, he was not talking about the spiced potatoes. He was talking about what is inside that mercy; what is underlying it. That mercy cannot be perceived on the surface, not related to anything material. It is inside. And he showed me through that delighted look on his face that he was indeed tasting it.
We think we are having darshan when we materially perceive his form, and we get prasad when we can hold and see something in our own hand. When we taste food without the idea of prasad, we think things such as this needs salt, this has too much chili, etc.
But what does it mean to taste prasad? It means extremely deep inner-relishing that can only be given by the mercy of the Lord. And Srila Gurudev told me was that this was "very, very tasty," full of devotional flavor, full of ras. He was tasting that, and he wanted us all to also be able to.
—Mahalakshmi dasi
—Mahalakshmi dasi
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