His Big Appreciation for Our Small Efforts

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Within the first few weeks after my very first darshan of Srila Gurudeva, I understood and knew from the core of my heart that if I follow this sadhu and his instructions, then I will be taken care of and I will be rescued. I don't know how many lifetimes it will take, but if I just follow this sadhu, I knew for sure I will be saved. I had met other spiritual personalities, but these were the lotus feet to which I could fully give myself. There were no doubts; I can let go, I don't have to hold back. I might hold back from conditioning, but actually, there is no need anymore.

Once in Guwahati, I remember one of Guru Maharaj's gestures. I was there with my sister. When Guru Maharaj came out of the room, I was alone in the crowd of Indians. He saw me from far. I am always amazed he remembered me. He smiled and he gestured with His lotus hand, "Are you staying?" It was like a casual exchange that friends would have with each other. It blew me away.

I remember another time during Kartik vrata in Ludhiana. During those years I stayed in South India and would come and see Srila Gurudeva a few times a year. As so often the room where we stayed was so full that I could not get any sleep at all. Also, some of the occupants spoke so late into the night and I was also ill and so I began to have a critical mentality as I couldn't adjust. It was during Kartik and I just kept committing offences. After a few days, I thought, instead of making spiritual advancement here, I am ruining my spiritual life because of so many aparadhs, so I'd better go. I booked a ticket back to South India.

The day I was leaving, Gurudeva came out of the room and I said: "Srila Gurudev, I'm leaving today." He looked at me with big eyes and immediately said: "And when are you coming back?" I realized that before that, I had no idea what patita pavan means. But that's what it is: I'm totally useless, fallen, even offensive, and Srila Gurudev just wants to rescue me. Another thing that struck me at that moment was that Guru Maharaj actually feels separation grief for each one of us. It was so clear at that moment. Guru represents the Lord, and the Lord wants us back with him. A lot changed for me at that moment to see the reaction of Srila Guru Maharaj.

Once in Bombay Guru Maharaj was staying with grihasthas. I was the only foreigner there at that time. There was a program far away in a temple, maybe about 1 1/2 hours away. It was very hot and stuffy, that temple was packed, I was squeezed in one crowded corner, noisy fans above our heads and I was feverish and ill. I was still happy that I could be there with Srila Guru Maharaj, but I was very unwell and very uncomfortable to say the least. Also the whole Harikatha was in Hindi, which I don't understand, and no translation. Towards the end, Guru Maharaj suddenly spoke one sentence in English: "Nothing cannot be the cause of something." That's all He said in English. Then he added, "There is one lady here from Germany, so I have to speak something in English." And He continued in Hindi.

Even though this was just one sentence, it said so much more. It was Guru Maharaj's way of saying: "Don't worry, I see you, I'm there with you. I know what you're going through and I appreciate that you're here." Small things like this touch the heart and make a big difference. It's not important to speak so much. He said small things to uplift us.

—Urmila Dasi

spoken June 22, 2017 at Sree Chaitanya Gaudiya Math, Kolkata

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