He Is the One We Have Always Been Searching For
One thing I witnessed that is very touching to my heart is an event I recall that took place in Mayapur. There was an acarya from Sri Vaisnava mission that came with his disciples. He was much younger than Srila Gurudev. When Srila Gurudev came from his bhajan kutir to see him, he walked all the way. I remember Srila Gurudev paid prostrated obeisances to someone that could be the age of his son. He was shaken and could not reciprocate.
I was not feeling good to see that, thinking it should be the other way around. But we saw that Srila Gurudev was so blissful. The reciprocation was not sufficient, but he was happy anyway. Maybe even happier than if those respects had been paid to him. Even when he was sitting in the car to leave, Gurudev paid obeisances again outside the car. The humility he was expressing and the bliss on his face is the opposite of an ordinary person. At an advanced age and having so many big positions in the World Vaishnava Association and GOKUL, he taught this by his own example. That's why he said perform kirtan bhakti, do not preach.
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I met 12 initiating gurus in the direct lineage of Srila Bhakti Siddhanta Saraswati Thakur. They were all in good standing. I searched widely in India and in the US. I met Srila Gurudev by chance. I was not wanting to go to Gaudiya math. I was intensely searching. I knew I needed a master to pursue a spiritual life. I thought he should be as good as Hari, never commit any mistake. But how could I identify such a person? It is Supreme Lord's grace only that 4-5 initiating masters traveled to where I was living. I spoke to each of them one on one. I heard their Harikatha, but that was not going in my heart to surrender. I was thinking about what qualification do I have to judge? But in my heart, the clock was ticking. I traveled to faraway places so I could meet who is who personalities. The topmost and most famous. Even though those were fairly inaccessible persons, I met them also one on one in a closed room.
I had misconceptions cleared at a higher level. I was brought up in one place and understood it's not betraying that to move to another place. It was harmonized gradually and I was prepared step by step to meet Gurudev. A close friend of mine had Gurudev's darshan and called me from the US. He told me he met a pure devotee. I was not happy to hear it. I thought Swami Prabhupad was the only one. I ordered some of Srila Gurudev's books online. Suddha bhakti was the first book I read. I knew he (Srila Gurudev) would be the last one I'd be visiting. Then I traveled back to India.
Prasad Prabhu and I were staying together in an ashram in Bangalore. One day he told me he invited some devotees from Sree Chaitanya Gaudiya Math to Bangalore and said he was interested in meeting Srila Gurudev. I thought... my God, I went all overlooking and here I am again—he's coming. See how complicated I am? We met some devotees who came and when they spoke about Gurudev I remember those 25 minutes that he described him. Those were the moments that inspired me so much. I was in a different world. I said if even theoretically a person existed in this world I am happy. If even a fraction of such a person exists that is so much.
I traveled to meet him shortly after that. I received him at the airport. Initially, I had no feeling. I thought if this doesn't work I am very tired and I have to resign to my fate. I saw him for a few minutes and in my mind, I wondered if this will work or not. Then there was some attraction and it was like a magnet pulled towards him. I had earlier been standing neutrally and a few mins later I was feeling annoyed that anyone blocked his darshan. I got eligibility to see him further.
After that I had an earth-shattering experience when I had a special darshan. Before that, I was going to other places but it is only from Gurudev's darshan that such supernatural experiences started happening one after another. While I was searching all over for my guru but the table turned on me and I could see that he was the one to find me. There was a strong voice that told me, a faith erupting like a volcano. It was saying he is the one who can make no mistake, like Hari himself. This strong voice humbled me. Is the search over? No. He is that, but I felt so ineligible— no qualification. I tried to run seeing his power. My hand was caught by a devotee who introduced me to Gurudev and he looked at me and smiled and I thought, I can survive. I dont have to run.
When he heard I was from Banglore, he said, Oh my Gurudev said he wanted programs in Bangalore. Now I felt I can survive, no need to run. The search for someone who will not commit a mistake surpassed my expectation to the extent that I fell on the wrong side. Fortunate are those who have the sukriti to not have to look here and there. They met immediately and surrendered. Complicated people like me had to go all over the world.
When I met Srila Gurudev, I knew Radharani answered my prayers. There is no compromise. But then to uplift my standard, not so easy. It took so many years. Despite coming to Srila Gurudev, I was struggling in many ways. I asked questions to Gurudev that are extremely important now and forever.
—Naveen Krishna Das
I was not feeling good to see that, thinking it should be the other way around. But we saw that Srila Gurudev was so blissful. The reciprocation was not sufficient, but he was happy anyway. Maybe even happier than if those respects had been paid to him. Even when he was sitting in the car to leave, Gurudev paid obeisances again outside the car. The humility he was expressing and the bliss on his face is the opposite of an ordinary person. At an advanced age and having so many big positions in the World Vaishnava Association and GOKUL, he taught this by his own example. That's why he said perform kirtan bhakti, do not preach.
------
I met 12 initiating gurus in the direct lineage of Srila Bhakti Siddhanta Saraswati Thakur. They were all in good standing. I searched widely in India and in the US. I met Srila Gurudev by chance. I was not wanting to go to Gaudiya math. I was intensely searching. I knew I needed a master to pursue a spiritual life. I thought he should be as good as Hari, never commit any mistake. But how could I identify such a person? It is Supreme Lord's grace only that 4-5 initiating masters traveled to where I was living. I spoke to each of them one on one. I heard their Harikatha, but that was not going in my heart to surrender. I was thinking about what qualification do I have to judge? But in my heart, the clock was ticking. I traveled to faraway places so I could meet who is who personalities. The topmost and most famous. Even though those were fairly inaccessible persons, I met them also one on one in a closed room.
I had misconceptions cleared at a higher level. I was brought up in one place and understood it's not betraying that to move to another place. It was harmonized gradually and I was prepared step by step to meet Gurudev. A close friend of mine had Gurudev's darshan and called me from the US. He told me he met a pure devotee. I was not happy to hear it. I thought Swami Prabhupad was the only one. I ordered some of Srila Gurudev's books online. Suddha bhakti was the first book I read. I knew he (Srila Gurudev) would be the last one I'd be visiting. Then I traveled back to India.
Prasad Prabhu and I were staying together in an ashram in Bangalore. One day he told me he invited some devotees from Sree Chaitanya Gaudiya Math to Bangalore and said he was interested in meeting Srila Gurudev. I thought... my God, I went all overlooking and here I am again—he's coming. See how complicated I am? We met some devotees who came and when they spoke about Gurudev I remember those 25 minutes that he described him. Those were the moments that inspired me so much. I was in a different world. I said if even theoretically a person existed in this world I am happy. If even a fraction of such a person exists that is so much.
I traveled to meet him shortly after that. I received him at the airport. Initially, I had no feeling. I thought if this doesn't work I am very tired and I have to resign to my fate. I saw him for a few minutes and in my mind, I wondered if this will work or not. Then there was some attraction and it was like a magnet pulled towards him. I had earlier been standing neutrally and a few mins later I was feeling annoyed that anyone blocked his darshan. I got eligibility to see him further.
After that I had an earth-shattering experience when I had a special darshan. Before that, I was going to other places but it is only from Gurudev's darshan that such supernatural experiences started happening one after another. While I was searching all over for my guru but the table turned on me and I could see that he was the one to find me. There was a strong voice that told me, a faith erupting like a volcano. It was saying he is the one who can make no mistake, like Hari himself. This strong voice humbled me. Is the search over? No. He is that, but I felt so ineligible— no qualification. I tried to run seeing his power. My hand was caught by a devotee who introduced me to Gurudev and he looked at me and smiled and I thought, I can survive. I dont have to run.
When he heard I was from Banglore, he said, Oh my Gurudev said he wanted programs in Bangalore. Now I felt I can survive, no need to run. The search for someone who will not commit a mistake surpassed my expectation to the extent that I fell on the wrong side. Fortunate are those who have the sukriti to not have to look here and there. They met immediately and surrendered. Complicated people like me had to go all over the world.
When I met Srila Gurudev, I knew Radharani answered my prayers. There is no compromise. But then to uplift my standard, not so easy. It took so many years. Despite coming to Srila Gurudev, I was struggling in many ways. I asked questions to Gurudev that are extremely important now and forever.
—Naveen Krishna Das
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