A Poem Honoring His Disappearance Anniversary

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Śrīla Gurudev Śrīla Bhakti Ballabh Tīrtha Mahārāj ki jay!

April 15th, 2020

Three years ago this day
You left.
“Everything will be zero, Zero, ZERO!!!”
You used to say.
And I concur
That so we were:
Bereft.

As well, you used to say,
“Nothing will happen all of a sudden.”
Such was your going away.
So kind,
So gentle.
Time to prepare the mind
To be shaken
At a depth so fundamental,
Steel-framed hearts must needs awaken
To that longing at the core
To be felt forevermore.

Yet you spoke of hope and fortune.
“Ambarīṣo mahā-bhāgaḥ
sapta-dvīpavatīṁ mahīm!”
So often did you proclaim
And so loudly, that in that proportion
You told us to often reframe
In terms of that story.
Each day, each week, who am I?
The haughty and fiery sage
Who for nothing flew into a rage
At some imagined slight to his glory?

“Look to your own prescription!”
My job is to purify
Myself alone.
That’s what you’ve shown.
This teaching you would exemplify.
Though presiding over a mission
For decades, revered by all,
And at the height of well-earned fame,
Whenever you would teach
The least of us how not to fall
Your lecture would always reach
This poignant, striking line:
“And you should say the same
To me.”
How can it be!
Such a position is not mine!
And for you there is no need!
Yet so gently and humbly you’d ask us
To pay attention and heed
The patient hints with which you would task us.

Each class you would start:
“granthera ārambhe kari maṅgalācharaṇ:
guru, vaiṣṇava, bhagavān—tinera smaraṇ
tinera smaraṇe haẏa vighna-vināśan
anāẏāse haẏa nija vāñchhita-pūraṇ.”
You would say it nice and slow.
I got it by heart.
Gurudev, where do we go
And how?
Where do we look?
What chapter of what book
Are we starting now?

On this most auspicious day
All I can do is pray
For your forgiveness and grace:
That you remain my guide
On the journey that I face
And always, in my heart, abide.

—Rukmini Devi Dasi, USA




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