Praying to Remember Him in Times of Difficulty

Everybody who joins Mahāprabhu’s movement eventually takes shelter of śri guru. I asked about whose shelter I should take and what are my duties? Devotees told me not to think much, just take shelter and receive initiation from my local temple. It seemed that they did not give it much thought.  In my case, I insisted on seeking the best, topmost spiritual master. 

I went to Śri Rūpa Sanātana Gauḍīya Maṭh in Vṛndāvana. I prayed there to the Lord that I am helpless, please at least let me know whose shelter I should take.  As soon as I paid obeisances and started to leave, a brahmacārī came to me, I did not know him nor did he know me. He said, "You should take initiation. Śrīmad Bhakti Ballabh Tirtha Gosvāmī Mahārāj is a Mahābhāgavat Vaiṣṇava.  

I was very happy, maybe that was Krishna's will. I found a website run by our maṭh.  There I read about the glorification of Gurujī by a prominent vaiṣṇava and I was impressed.  That was the moment when I realized there is no need to waste even a moment and I immediately came to Kolkata to take shelter of Gurujī. Actually, I did not choose my spiritual master, my Gurujī; I do not have any qualification for that.  But Gurudev mercifully chose me. Otherwise, how was it possible that I come to Kolkata from Maharashtra where there is not much preaching by our maṭh?    

There is one incident I want to share when I came to know how merciful Gurudev is to us. I was living with our god-brother at Sukartal.  I had gosevā assigned to me.  One day I was cleaning the shed and removing the cow dung.  Suddenly something bit me.  I thought it must be a mosquito or another insect there as they often came in the evening.

I felt dizzy, my heartbeat was increasing, and I was confused as to what was happening.  I went to my god-brother and told him to check it and he said it was a snake bite. I felt afraid and thought now is the time to die.  Maybe now I should meditate on Lord's pastimes, but I was in shock.  

I thought of this verse:

anta-kāle ca mām eva

smaran muktvā kalevaram

yaḥ prayāti sa mad-bhāvaṁ

yāti nāsty atra saṁśayaḥ

(Bhagavad-gītā, 8.5)

[Translation: And whoever, at the end of his life, quits his body remembering Me alone at once attains My nature.  Of this there is no doubt.]

Remembering this, I tried to meditate on Lord's pastimes but I could not concentrate on it.  Instead, I was wondering what will happen after death, I wished I could live longer; like this many thoughts were coming to my mind instead of Lord's pastimes.  So I started chanting mahāmantra and I found I could not concentrate on even hāriṇam. I thought what shall I do? 

Every day in maṭh I recite Narasiṁhadeva's prayers, so I thought I will pray to Narasiṁha Bhagavan.  I could not do that either and I was tense and confused thinking what will happen if I leave the body without thinking of Kṛṣṇa, what can I do? Then I prayed to Gurujī saying, "Please make me think about you." And by Gurujī's mercy, it happened.  I could constantly concentrate on Gurujī and suddenly I relaxed as if nothing had happened to me.  

Meanwhile, I was taken to the hospital and here I was in bliss. Even if I leave the body it will be good otherwise when will I have the golden opportunity that Gurujī is making me think of him.  But maybe Gurujī had to make me serve more, so he is saving me.  Then I thought if Gurujī has mercifully saved me then it will be right for me to give this life totally in Gurujī's service; it should not be a mistake. 

So, today on the appearance day of Gurujī I pray at his lotus feet from my heart please engage me in your service no matter what and whose service, just make me serve you, I do not have any eligibility, but please be merciful upon me and engage me in your service.    

—Rādhāmohan Das

Spoken in English on 15.4.2019 at Mayapur Maṭh