He Resides Within Our Hearts

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I am an absolute fool; a most wretched, sinful, and fallen soul. First of all, I am very grateful to the Bathinda devotees including some sannyāsīs and some brahmacārīs, who engaged me in guru-sevā.  By their mercy and through their Gurudev's mercy, I got the fortune of serving Gurudev. I am ever grateful to them. I do not know how to speak and have never spoken on platforms like this. Today is the most fortunate day of my life that I am standing here to speak even two words about my Śrīla Gurudev.  


We say that Gurudev is performing pastimes of sickness, but I want to prove that Gurudev is hearing, seeing, and responding to our heart's desires.  There was an Incident in 1999 during Vraja-maṇḍala parikramā. After we had reached Gokul Mahāvana, Śrī Amarnath Sharmajī and I got the fortune of receiving service in front of Gurudev's room. When Guru Mahārāja would get up, we would be ready for his service. One day it so happened we were ready and Guru Mahārāja had not yet gotten up—or so we thought. Śrī Omprakash Lombajī (who is now a Golokavāsī) came and was trying to get in. We prayed to him not to disturb Gurujī.  He was of the opinion the program will be delayed, so we have to wake up Gurujī.  I sought his forgiveness but did not allow him to go into Gurudev's room.  


Later I felt unhappy that I had to stop a great vaiṣṇava and also felt I committed an offense to him.  So I felt great pain and thought what can be the solution? Meanwhile, Gurudev came out of his room at the very right time.  We were all very happy but I was still feeling unhappy that I committed an offense at the feet of Śrī Lombajī. So asked Gurudev if such an instance occurs, what should we do?  Then Gurudev said, “Guru Mahārāja knows everything.” He is sitting inside the room and perhaps even the light is also off, but he knows everything; he gave proof of it.  


The second instance happened just one and a half years back.  Śrī Prem Gupta and Śrī Sudhir and I got the chance to come to Kolkata maṭha by Gurudev's mercy. That was during the time that Gurudev was strolling in his wheelchair. All three of us had the same thought in our mind: that until Gurudev looks at us and smiled we would not feel that we have come here. At that time Śrī Dāmodara Mahārāja was pushing Gurudev's wheelchair and he went to the other side of the corridor. When he turned and came back, you all will be surprised to hear that Gurudev came exactly in front of us, lifted his hand, and opened his eyes. Śrīla Gurudev Mahārāja ki-jai!


I am such a foolish person and thought that Gurudev was performing this pastime and is not meeting us. It is proof enough that Gurudev had called us all there to give us darśana and we all came here leaving our work and business engagements. This is sufficient proof that Gurudev is residing in our heart and whatever we desire, he fulfills it.  If I think Gurudev is ill,  he is not meeting us, or he is not talking to us, everything is wrong in this mentality.  If I think about my future and of Gurudev in such a state, then there is no one as worthless and foolish as me; it means I am not surrendered to Gurudev's lotus feet. Like how our Param Gurudev has given us our Gurudev, Gurudev also will make such future arrangements for us for which we will feel very blessed.   


I pray to the lotus feet of you all and also the mahātmās here, you all bless me so that may I retain my love in Gurudev's lotus feet and receive his merciful blessings.  May your blessings and mercy be on me.  Thank you very much.


—Śrīraj Katia


Excepted from Srila Gurudev's 93rd Vyasapuja Celebrations


 



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