"There Was So Much Deep Bhajana With Him That You Forgot the World Outside"
I bow down to Śrīla Guru Mahārāja’s lotus feet and I am so happy that I can be with all of you today and I bow down to every one of you here. I have a wish in my heart because sādhu-sanga is such an amazing thing, and is such a nice thing to reunite and see each other also.
It is always so nice to speak about Gurudeva. I could do this only, all my life, speaking about Guru Mahārāja. My heart is always thumping when I think about him and talk about him. I was thinking what shall I speak today? But I have prepared nothing because I just wanted to tell in the moment now to see what to speak about. There are different things; one thing is we have a little group where we unite once a week and we speak about Guru Mahārāja and everybody remembers about the pastimes of Guru Mahārāja, what teachings each person had, or what one saw, or what experience one had, and it is so amazing because we do this since many months now and it is never boring and it is always beautiful even if we hear it again and again. It is heart touching and I am learning so much. So I am very grateful to be part of this.
I would love to start with a title I would say, ‘Everything is always organized.' Such a personality as Guru Mahārāja is closer than your own breath to you. I experienced that again some days ago when I had a challenge in my life; a very difficult moment. So one person came to me who has a bit more capacity to see and suddenly she said to me, "Wow! Who is standing behind you there?" And when I asked what, she again said, "Yes, I see someone is there standing behind you. I said, I don’t know and she said, "I think this must be your spiritual master."
Hearing that, my hair really stood up and felt my Guru Mahārāja’s presence and thought my God, without calling, without asking, without anything, he is just right there guiding and helping me to get a solution to things. It has been nice like this since I am with Guru Mahārāja. It was always like that. If I fully surrender to him in all aspects of my life, my life is organized and everything is organized for my best, for my kṛṣṇa-bhakti, and for my past that I have to go through in this life.
And that trust in Guru Mahārāja for me is the biggest thing because I have seen so many situations with Guru Mahārāja in which his divine presence is there without any doubts. I remember when I stayed for 3 months in Kolkata maṭha, there was a time I was in Māyāpura and I was the only white devotee there. We went with three big buses to see the different places of Mahāprabhu around Māyāpura and when we came back to the maṭha, I was just sitting in the bus. Gurudeva came to me inside and gave me a vision. He showed me this old woman I was taking care of at that time in Switzerland; it was my job. He showed me that in two weeks she would leave her body. And he showed me exactly what I have to do when she is going to have this moment. So I was surprised because this was the first time in my life I experienced something like this and was thinking what is this? Something like a kind of a vision or what is that?
And actually, when I came back to Switzerland and went back to work, the first thing they said to me was that this woman was not well and it took exactly two weeks as her dying process went on and the moment came that she died. At that moment, I did exactly what Guru Mahārāja said to me and said some mantra and put some blessed water on her and just when this job was finished, she left her body. Then I went to the balcony and at that moment I felt Guru Mahārāja inside and he said, "Now please come to India to visit me." And I was thinking, Wow! It is like an invitation!
So I went home and I was thinking how can I do this because the husband of this woman was there and he was 90 years old. So I was thinking I cannot just go to India now. And when I came again a day after I was thinking so much about how I can do this. I was considering asking them if I can go to India, and when I went to the son of this old man and knocked on the door. He opened the door and said "Oh, I was just waiting for you because I have written you an email. Come in and sit down in front of the computer and read what I have written for you." When I went in front of the computer and I read the email, it was written, "Anaṅga Mañjarī, We are so thankful that you have assisted our mother so nicely to pass through. We would like to make you a gift. Please go to India as long as you like and we will give you 2000 euros so that you can stay as long as you like."
This was the arrangement of Guru Mahārāja; it was amazing! When I took the flight and went to the Kolkata maṭha, Gurudeva gave me special permission to stay for three months there and afterward, I understood also why. It was because these were the last few years he could completely teach me in a physical way when he still spoke. Three months after I left, he had a brain stroke and he did not speak anymore. Since that was the last possibility, I think that is why he also gave me this opportunity.
When I came to the Kolkata maṭha, I was so deeply touched by his whole being. I could say his whole being was only humble. And I felt that he is part of was nothing else but Kṛṣṇa Consciousness. There was a faith and there were no other intentions of realizing something of this material world or anything. Guru Mahārāja was only Kṛṣṇa Consciousness. I had never met a person like him before and I felt a little bit shy also because I saw something so pure. I was thinking wow! It was something not of this world to meet him. Meeting with him brought me into another consciousness and I felt this is such an honor to be there with such a kind of personality. Although I felt a little bit shy at the beginning, after some time when he always gave us darśana in the evening, I found out that he is so human and he is so funny also. He really took care of everybody so nicely and he gave this prasādam every evening to all of us.
And I think of all the devotees who were there in that line [to get darśana] and I know some of them are also here in this meeting. I just remember the life in them was in just purest sweetness. There was just pure sweetness and just fun in a way of joking and happiness. There was so much deep bhajana with him that you forgot the world outside; the world did not exist anymore when you are with him in the maṭha. Actually, in those three months, I went only two times out of the maṭha. I was in the maṭha all the time because in the maṭha, you enter another world. This world was so full of love and peace, joy and happiness. The main thing around him was just the big joy to serve Vaiṣṇavas, to serve Guru Mahārāja, and to serve Bhagavan. We jumped out of bed at 3:30am to just start our sevā, and everything was so full of life around him and so joyful.
Guru Mahārāja was an example to me that, on one hand, he was so deep and serious and he would teach us how we should move in Kṛṣṇa Consciousness, how we should do our sādhana, how we should take this so seriously to go deeper in everything. On the other hand, his Kṛṣṇa Consciousness that he lived was so full of joy and sweetness and I think this was for me one of the biggest experiences. Although I was so many years in Kṛṣṇa Consciousness, I only felt what it was deeply in my heart and soul through Gurudeva. He was [is] absolute sweetness, joyfulness, and light. The sevā mood in the maṭha around him was always like how can I help you that you can serve Guru Mahārāja much more. Not me, not I. It was always this kind of mood to be happy that the other devotee can come closer to him, can come closer to Kṛṣṇa, can serve better and how we can help each other to get deeper and better in our sevā.
It is always so nice to speak about Gurudeva. I could do this only, all my life, speaking about Guru Mahārāja. My heart is always thumping when I think about him and talk about him. I was thinking what shall I speak today? But I have prepared nothing because I just wanted to tell in the moment now to see what to speak about. There are different things; one thing is we have a little group where we unite once a week and we speak about Guru Mahārāja and everybody remembers about the pastimes of Guru Mahārāja, what teachings each person had, or what one saw, or what experience one had, and it is so amazing because we do this since many months now and it is never boring and it is always beautiful even if we hear it again and again. It is heart touching and I am learning so much. So I am very grateful to be part of this.
I would love to start with a title I would say, ‘Everything is always organized.' Such a personality as Guru Mahārāja is closer than your own breath to you. I experienced that again some days ago when I had a challenge in my life; a very difficult moment. So one person came to me who has a bit more capacity to see and suddenly she said to me, "Wow! Who is standing behind you there?" And when I asked what, she again said, "Yes, I see someone is there standing behind you. I said, I don’t know and she said, "I think this must be your spiritual master."
Hearing that, my hair really stood up and felt my Guru Mahārāja’s presence and thought my God, without calling, without asking, without anything, he is just right there guiding and helping me to get a solution to things. It has been nice like this since I am with Guru Mahārāja. It was always like that. If I fully surrender to him in all aspects of my life, my life is organized and everything is organized for my best, for my kṛṣṇa-bhakti, and for my past that I have to go through in this life.
And that trust in Guru Mahārāja for me is the biggest thing because I have seen so many situations with Guru Mahārāja in which his divine presence is there without any doubts. I remember when I stayed for 3 months in Kolkata maṭha, there was a time I was in Māyāpura and I was the only white devotee there. We went with three big buses to see the different places of Mahāprabhu around Māyāpura and when we came back to the maṭha, I was just sitting in the bus. Gurudeva came to me inside and gave me a vision. He showed me this old woman I was taking care of at that time in Switzerland; it was my job. He showed me that in two weeks she would leave her body. And he showed me exactly what I have to do when she is going to have this moment. So I was surprised because this was the first time in my life I experienced something like this and was thinking what is this? Something like a kind of a vision or what is that?
And actually, when I came back to Switzerland and went back to work, the first thing they said to me was that this woman was not well and it took exactly two weeks as her dying process went on and the moment came that she died. At that moment, I did exactly what Guru Mahārāja said to me and said some mantra and put some blessed water on her and just when this job was finished, she left her body. Then I went to the balcony and at that moment I felt Guru Mahārāja inside and he said, "Now please come to India to visit me." And I was thinking, Wow! It is like an invitation!
So I went home and I was thinking how can I do this because the husband of this woman was there and he was 90 years old. So I was thinking I cannot just go to India now. And when I came again a day after I was thinking so much about how I can do this. I was considering asking them if I can go to India, and when I went to the son of this old man and knocked on the door. He opened the door and said "Oh, I was just waiting for you because I have written you an email. Come in and sit down in front of the computer and read what I have written for you." When I went in front of the computer and I read the email, it was written, "Anaṅga Mañjarī, We are so thankful that you have assisted our mother so nicely to pass through. We would like to make you a gift. Please go to India as long as you like and we will give you 2000 euros so that you can stay as long as you like."
This was the arrangement of Guru Mahārāja; it was amazing! When I took the flight and went to the Kolkata maṭha, Gurudeva gave me special permission to stay for three months there and afterward, I understood also why. It was because these were the last few years he could completely teach me in a physical way when he still spoke. Three months after I left, he had a brain stroke and he did not speak anymore. Since that was the last possibility, I think that is why he also gave me this opportunity.
When I came to the Kolkata maṭha, I was so deeply touched by his whole being. I could say his whole being was only humble. And I felt that he is part of was nothing else but Kṛṣṇa Consciousness. There was a faith and there were no other intentions of realizing something of this material world or anything. Guru Mahārāja was only Kṛṣṇa Consciousness. I had never met a person like him before and I felt a little bit shy also because I saw something so pure. I was thinking wow! It was something not of this world to meet him. Meeting with him brought me into another consciousness and I felt this is such an honor to be there with such a kind of personality. Although I felt a little bit shy at the beginning, after some time when he always gave us darśana in the evening, I found out that he is so human and he is so funny also. He really took care of everybody so nicely and he gave this prasādam every evening to all of us.
And I think of all the devotees who were there in that line [to get darśana] and I know some of them are also here in this meeting. I just remember the life in them was in just purest sweetness. There was just pure sweetness and just fun in a way of joking and happiness. There was so much deep bhajana with him that you forgot the world outside; the world did not exist anymore when you are with him in the maṭha. Actually, in those three months, I went only two times out of the maṭha. I was in the maṭha all the time because in the maṭha, you enter another world. This world was so full of love and peace, joy and happiness. The main thing around him was just the big joy to serve Vaiṣṇavas, to serve Guru Mahārāja, and to serve Bhagavan. We jumped out of bed at 3:30am to just start our sevā, and everything was so full of life around him and so joyful.
Guru Mahārāja was an example to me that, on one hand, he was so deep and serious and he would teach us how we should move in Kṛṣṇa Consciousness, how we should do our sādhana, how we should take this so seriously to go deeper in everything. On the other hand, his Kṛṣṇa Consciousness that he lived was so full of joy and sweetness and I think this was for me one of the biggest experiences. Although I was so many years in Kṛṣṇa Consciousness, I only felt what it was deeply in my heart and soul through Gurudeva. He was [is] absolute sweetness, joyfulness, and light. The sevā mood in the maṭha around him was always like how can I help you that you can serve Guru Mahārāja much more. Not me, not I. It was always this kind of mood to be happy that the other devotee can come closer to him, can come closer to Kṛṣṇa, can serve better and how we can help each other to get deeper and better in our sevā.
And this was the second thing that I learned so much about from Guru Mahārāja. The way he lived Kṛṣṇa Consciousness with the sevā mood was quite a bit different than I had experienced in other places. The essence of that was that you want your godbrothers and sisters to get better in the sevā towards him and towards Kṛṣṇa and Rādhārani and the Vaiṣṇavas. And if you go deeper with this thought, it is such that it creates such an incredibly sweet mood among the devotees. There is no I, or I want to do this service or I want to be closer to Kṛṣṇa as I'd experienced in other saṅgas. There was this mood of how can I serve you so that you may get better in the sevā, so that you can come closer. This mood was in Guru Mahārāja’s maṭha very strongly and I felt that just by his presence and by this kind of learning, this humble mood is coming on its own, not that you must be humble or whatever; it was coming out of a real joy. I understood after some time being there that this is Goloka Vṛndāvana,[to understand that] this kind of serving together, of being eager to help others to get deeper in Kṛṣṇa Consciousness and in the sevā to Gurudeva, Vaiṣṇavas, and Bhagavan.
I think this is one of the greatest gifts I got from Guru Mahārāja and this deep understanding of this kind of mood is creating sweetness and softness; through his power, he was bringing the sweetness out of everybody. Whenever he came, hearts were melting and no one could be anything but sweet around him and with him because he lived in that mood. I feel this is the real Kṛṣṇa Consciousness mood in a saṅga. He taught me so many things through his devotees. His devotees in Kolkata maṭha were trained in this kind of behavior and he inspired devotees between each other to teach, to actually serve, and to go deeper with the Kṛṣṇa Consciousness.
Guru Mahārāja always came out once a day and I think every one of us were running up to him to just have a short moment with him. When he came out, he went on a little parikrāmā to Tulasī Devī and to greet the Deities in the maṭha. And once when he went back to his room I think it was Sundara Gopāla Prabhu with us and we were all running behind him and touching the floor to get a little bit of a glimpse of his divine lotus feet. And when his prasādam plate was offered, everybody was running there to get a little bit of his prasādam. These are the memories I will never forget in my life. And I think for me to just be three months around him and get this deep understanding of Kṛṣṇa Consciousness is the biggest treasure I found in my whole life and it was by being with him.
And I think even today if you really surrender, he is one hundred percent there. I just had a moment where I was sitting in front of the altar and I was asking, "Guru Mahārāja, what can I do now and the next morning?" I had a dream and I felt his presence. I heard him say very clearly to read the eleventh Canto of Śrīmad Bhāgavatam. So I started to read it and I felt like he was here. So everybody can be connected with him every second by deeply surrendering to him; call him and he is here. He is not different because he is no longer in his body; he is here with us now. I think he is sitting somewhere here and just smiling and thinking what they are saying so much about me. That was his mood and he never thought he was important but was always there to take care of all of us. He is so sweet and full of heart and humanity.
He never considered himself as something special, he said I am here to learn more to serve guru and the devotees. He thought this is why I got this sevā to be in this position [of guru]. When devotees came who helped him only once in his lifetime, he would never forget them. Even if you had given him a small little thing, he never forgot that. So when devotees came in the maṭha, he was so happy to see them and they got really close to him and he honored them so much. He taught is that if someone is helping you, you should never forget that. You should always honor these devotees from the core of the heart because everybody is helping you on your path as they are servants of Rādhā-Kṛṣṇa.
—Anaṅga Mañjarī Dāsi
I think this is one of the greatest gifts I got from Guru Mahārāja and this deep understanding of this kind of mood is creating sweetness and softness; through his power, he was bringing the sweetness out of everybody. Whenever he came, hearts were melting and no one could be anything but sweet around him and with him because he lived in that mood. I feel this is the real Kṛṣṇa Consciousness mood in a saṅga. He taught me so many things through his devotees. His devotees in Kolkata maṭha were trained in this kind of behavior and he inspired devotees between each other to teach, to actually serve, and to go deeper with the Kṛṣṇa Consciousness.
Guru Mahārāja always came out once a day and I think every one of us were running up to him to just have a short moment with him. When he came out, he went on a little parikrāmā to Tulasī Devī and to greet the Deities in the maṭha. And once when he went back to his room I think it was Sundara Gopāla Prabhu with us and we were all running behind him and touching the floor to get a little bit of a glimpse of his divine lotus feet. And when his prasādam plate was offered, everybody was running there to get a little bit of his prasādam. These are the memories I will never forget in my life. And I think for me to just be three months around him and get this deep understanding of Kṛṣṇa Consciousness is the biggest treasure I found in my whole life and it was by being with him.
And I think even today if you really surrender, he is one hundred percent there. I just had a moment where I was sitting in front of the altar and I was asking, "Guru Mahārāja, what can I do now and the next morning?" I had a dream and I felt his presence. I heard him say very clearly to read the eleventh Canto of Śrīmad Bhāgavatam. So I started to read it and I felt like he was here. So everybody can be connected with him every second by deeply surrendering to him; call him and he is here. He is not different because he is no longer in his body; he is here with us now. I think he is sitting somewhere here and just smiling and thinking what they are saying so much about me. That was his mood and he never thought he was important but was always there to take care of all of us. He is so sweet and full of heart and humanity.
He never considered himself as something special, he said I am here to learn more to serve guru and the devotees. He thought this is why I got this sevā to be in this position [of guru]. When devotees came who helped him only once in his lifetime, he would never forget them. Even if you had given him a small little thing, he never forgot that. So when devotees came in the maṭha, he was so happy to see them and they got really close to him and he honored them so much. He taught is that if someone is helping you, you should never forget that. You should always honor these devotees from the core of the heart because everybody is helping you on your path as they are servants of Rādhā-Kṛṣṇa.
—Anaṅga Mañjarī Dāsi
spoken on Zoom, April 2024
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